JULY 30, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Preserving Our Farmland for Future Generations. Impact: If only Robert Josephy's article had been turned into a blockbuster movie, Hollywood might have saved farming by making it the next big thing. Instead, we just got more concrete jungles. Thanks, Robert!. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Future Shock' was coined by Alvin Toffler. Coincidentally, the phrase 'Future Shocked' is what farmers say when they see a skyscraper where their corn used to be..
• Headline: Feleke's Defense of Cuba in Ethiopia-Somalia Conflict. Impact: This meeting could have spiraled into a sitcom episode where the Somalis and Ethiopians had to room together on a diplomatic retreat, resulting in a global trend of international buddy comedies. Spoiler: it didn’t happen.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more dramatic than this diplomatic spat was the fact that Feleke Gedle Giorgis had to keep explaining which country was which? Talk about a geography test!.
• Headline: Zaire and Angola Forge Diplomatic Relations. Impact: The establishment of diplomatic ties between Zaire and Angola could have led to a 'Best Friends Forever' bracelet that set a trend for other nations. Alas, the only thing they exchanged were passive-aggressive letters.. Fact: Fun fact: Zaire and Angola’s diplomatic relationship could be compared to high school frenemies—always in a feud until they realize they might need each other for the prom committee..
• Headline: No Camel, but the Sheiks and Murphy's Law Can Move. Impact: If only the Sheiks had taken their rock band on a world tour, we could have avoided countless awkward family gatherings where no one knew what to talk about. Music truly has the power to unite… or at least distract!. Fact: Did you know that rock bands often have more drama than reality TV shows? The Sheiks probably had to sign a non-disclosure agreement just to keep their secrets from leaking!.
• Headline: Thousands Stranded in London By French Air‐Traffic Slowdown. Impact: The French air traffic controller's slowdown could have caused a butterfly effect that led to the invention of teleportation. Instead, it just resulted in a lot of disgruntled travelers and a few too many airport snacks.. Fact: Fun fact: If only they had a time machine, those thousands stranded might have just taken a flight to the past and avoided the hassle altogether!.
• Headline: State Efforts Praised In Tristate Bias Study. Impact: The success of Fairfield and New Haven Counties could have inspired a nationwide 'Housing Equality Day,' where everyone wore matching T-shirts. Instead, they just got a pat on the back.. Fact: Did you know that overcoming housing discrimination is like trying to find a unicorn? Everyone talks about it, but few ever actually see it happen!.
• Headline: KOCH BEGINS STUDY OF HOW TO CUT COST OF CITY UNIVERSITY. Impact: Koch's study could have led to a revolution in higher education funding, resulting in universities being run like businesses. Spoiler: they already are, but at least they could have been more honest about it!. Fact: Fun fact: When Koch was studying CUNY's costs, somewhere in the universe, a group of students was probably just studying how to survive on ramen noodles!.
• Headline: ART. Impact: The Precisionist paintings exhibit could have inspired a new art movement where everything was painted in perfectly straight lines—leading to a world where nobody could tell the difference between art and an architect's blueprint.. Fact: Did you know that Precisionism is basically the art world's way of saying, 'We really like straight lines, but we promise we’re still creative!'?.