JULY 11, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Evolution of Test Pilots. Impact: With the rise of test-pilotless technology, a butterfly flapped its wings and suddenly we have drones delivering pizza, annoying delivery men everywhere. Soon, they’ll think they’re pilots too!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing test pilots were ever really testing was their patience with engineers? Turns out, flying without a human is just easier than dealing with human error!.
• Headline: First Foreign Casino in Atlantic City. Impact: These two Japanese men kick-started the Atlantic City casino boom. Without them, who knows? We might have ended up with a fully functional economy instead of a gambling addiction disguised as a tourist attraction!. Fact: Did you know that Atlantic City was once just a quiet beach town? Now it’s the place where dreams go to drown in a sea of slot machines and regret!.
• Headline: Diplomatic Balance: US, Taiwan, and China. Impact: If the U.S. had severed ties with Taiwan, the domino effect would have led to an Asian diplomatic game of Jenga, where every piece pulled out caused a new crisis somewhere. Asia would have looked like a scene from a bad action movie. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. and Taiwan have a relationship so complicated, it makes teenage romance look straightforward? At least teenagers have social media to air their grievances!.
• Headline: 3 Women on Safety Panel. Impact: With three women on the safety panel, a butterfly flapped its wings and suddenly, safety standards improved. Who knew that adding women to the mix would lead to fewer accidents and more common sense?. Fact: Did you know that safety panels used to be all male? Clearly, they thought common sense was an outdated concept. Now, thanks to women, it’s making a comeback!.
• Headline: LEVITT ASKS CHANGE ON PENSION CONTROL. Impact: Levitt’s proposal to change pension control created a ripple that inspired future politicians to find even more creative ways to mishandle funds. Pension plans became the new playground for politicians with sticky fingers. Fact: Did you know that politicians handling pension funds is like letting a fox guard the henhouse? Spoiler alert: the fox is always hungry!.
• Headline: Firestone Defends ‘500’. Impact: Firestone’s defense brought attention to the importance of accountability in corporations. Little did they know, this would lead to countless lawsuits and a world where everyone is just waiting for someone to slip on a banana peel!. Fact: Did you know that Firestone once thought defending their tires was more important than, you know, actual safety? Turns out, that strategy doesn’t roll very far!.
• Headline: Fred Wilt to Coach Purdue Women's Track. Impact: Wilt’s appointment as coach led to a sudden uptick in women's sports, inspiring a generation of girls to trade Barbie for sweatbands. The butterfly flapped, and now we have a world of strong female athletes!. Fact: Did you know that coaching women’s sports was once considered a 'niche' role? Now it’s a launchpad for future female presidents!.
• Headline: The Kremlin's Bloody Omelet. Impact: Carter's measured response to the Soviet trials resulted in a delicate balancing act that would influence U.S.-Russia relations for decades. The Kremlin learned that public relations can be just as bloody as politics. Fact: Did you know that the phrase ‘strong yet measured’ is just code for 'We’re trying not to tick off the bear while poking it with a stick?'.
• Headline: REAL‐ESTATE SCHOOL IS SUED OVER EXAMS. Impact: The lawsuit against the real-estate school created a precedent that had far-reaching implications in educational integrity. It was the beginning of a long battle against cheating, leading to the infamous phrase, 'No, I did not plagiarize!'. Fact: Did you know that copying answers from a test is not a new phenomenon? It’s been happening since the dawn of education—just ask anyone who ever shared a desk!.