JULY 3, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Israel, Egypt, and U.S. Set for Talks. Impact: This parley eventually leads to a series of peace talks, which somehow results in a reality show about Middle Eastern peace negotiations. Spoiler alert: it doesn't end well.. Fact: Did you know that the last time Israel and Egypt had a parley, they ended up with a peace treaty? Who knew talking could actually work?.
• Headline: Bulgaria and Britain Dominate Henley Regatta. Impact: This intense rowing competition ignited a fierce rivalry that led to Bulgaria and Britain forming their own secret rowing league, complete with capes and dramatic music.. Fact: Did you know that rowing is the only sport where you can go backwards and still win? Just like my last relationship..
• Headline: Memphis Firefighters' Strike Causes Major Fires. Impact: The chaos from the strike leads to the invention of the first fireproof marshmallow, which sparks a new culinary craze. Because who doesn’t want to toast a marshmallow that won’t catch fire?. Fact: Firefighters are often the unsung heroes of society, but when they strike, you realize just how much you take those unsung heroes for granted—like the guy who invented the iPhone..
• Headline: Market Place. Impact: The decline in Husky share price prompts an entire generation of investors to start investing in beanie babies instead. Because plush toys are obviously a safer bet.. Fact: Did you know that 'Husky' is not just a dog breed? It’s also what I’m calling my bank account after reading this headline..
• Headline: NEED TO TAP HUDSON FOR WATER DISPUTED. Impact: The debate over the Hudson River water leads to a bizarre reality TV show where contestants must survive on dwindling water supplies, resulting in a new craze for survivalist-themed reality shows.. Fact: Did you know that New York City’s water system is so intricate that it could probably supply water to Mars? Okay, not really, but it’s impressive nonetheless..
• Headline: Outdoors. Impact: This article inspires a wave of urban wildlife enthusiasts, leading to the creation of a Central Park nature documentary that mistakenly features pigeons as exotic wildlife.. Fact: Did you know that Central Park is home to more than just squirrels? It also has a thriving population of tourists trying to feed said squirrels..
• Headline: U.S. Economists Study Japan Surplus. Impact: The economists' findings lead to a bizarre partnership between American and Japanese economists, resulting in the first-ever international 'Economics Olympics'—with no actual sports, just lots of spreadsheets.. Fact: Did you know that the balance of payments surplus is not a fancy way of saying 'money in the bank'? Because if it were, I’d be a financial guru..
• Headline: The Peril of Delay in School Financing. Impact: The decision leads to a massive education reform movement that inspires a generation of students to demand better funding, eventually culminating in a nationwide 'Pencil Revolution.'. Fact: Did you know that underfunded schools often lead to students being more creative? Yeah, necessity can be the mother of invention—or at least the mother of very interesting excuses..