JUNE 24, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fumigant Spill at Idaho Plant. Impact: The spill led to an unexpected boom in the hazmat suit industry, paving the way for future generations of overly-cautious parents to dress their kids in protective gear for every little scrape.. Fact: Fun fact: This incident sparked a nationwide debate on whether or not fertilizer plants should have their own reality TV shows, given their penchant for drama..
• Headline: End of Air Traffic Controller Slowdown. Impact: When air controllers decided to stop their slowdown, it ironically led to fewer plane delays, which in turn made passengers more anxious to board early, resulting in a spike in airport coffee consumption.. Fact: Did you know that before this, air traffic controllers were considering a career change to interpretive dance? Yeah, that would have ended badly..
• Headline: Boston Symphony Director Retirement Announcement. Impact: The retirement of Thomas D. Perry had a butterfly effect that led to the rise of inappropriate classical music memes on social media. You know, because nothing says 'high culture' like a cat playing Beethoven.. Fact: Retiring from a symphony is like quitting your job to become a full-time cat parent. It sounds fulfilling until you realize you're just cleaning litter..
• Headline: City College Lives. Impact: As City College persisted, it unwittingly inspired countless others to chase their dreams of higher education, leading to an unfortunate increase in coffee shop startups near campuses.. Fact: City College has been the training ground for several famous individuals, most of whom have made a career out of explaining how they 'totally learned that in college' when they really didn't..
• Headline: Protect Both Press and Privacy. Impact: This ruling sent shockwaves throughout newsrooms, leading to an increased number of journalists disguising themselves as everyday citizens just to avoid police searches, resulting in a very confused populace.. Fact: The debate over press freedom is so long-standing that if it were a person, it would be eligible for a senior discount at the diner..
• Headline: The Accent Is on Youth In Israeli Tennis Boom. Impact: The rise of youth tennis in Israel inadvertently resulted in the creation of a new genre of motivational speeches that involve tennis analogies. 'Life is like a tennis match; sometimes you just need to serve it up!'. Fact: Tennis has become so popular that if you mention 'love' in a tennis context in Israel, people will assume you’re talking about the game, not a romantic entanglement..
• Headline: Adoption Abroad BringsHeartache To Some Couples. Impact: The increase in foreign adoptions led to a flurry of international travel, inadvertently strengthening the coffee shop culture in airports as couples waited with bated breath for their new family members.. Fact: The paperwork involved in foreign adoption is so extensive that it could be used as a new form of endurance training for future marathon runners..
• Headline: Albany Senate, Defying Carey, Recesses Indefinitely. Impact: The indefinite recess became a trendsetter for future Senate sessions, inspiring generations of politicians to master the art of taking long breaks and doing absolutely nothing.. Fact: Indefinite recesses are often followed by a mysterious increase in 'urgent' social media posts from senators about their 'important work,' which usually involves brunch..
• Headline: U.S. Keeps OnionPatch Trophy. Impact: Winning the Onion Patch Trophy became a cornerstone of American pride, inadvertently leading to the rise of vegetable-themed merchandise. Yes, you too can own an 'Onion Patch' t-shirt!. Fact: The Onion Patch Trophy is rumored to have magical properties; it’s said that if you hold it while making a salad, your veggies will taste extra crunchy..