JUNE 14, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gene Secunda Leads Entertainment Advertising. Impact: Gene Secunda's promotion led to an explosion of cheesy movie tie-ins for products, resulting in a universe where breakfast cereals were named after movie stars and every action figure had a useless sidekick.. Fact: Did you know that Gene Secunda once considered a career in interpretive dance before realizing that marketing was more lucrative? Guess he found his calling!.
• Headline: EPA Proposes Relaxation of Smog Standards. Impact: The slight relaxation in smog regulations caused a chain reaction resulting in a national obsession with smog-related fashion, leading to the 'Smog Chic' trend of the 90s. Who knew breathing in pollution could inspire style?. Fact: Did you know that 'slight relaxation' is just government speak for 'let's see how much we can get away with before people notice?'.
• Headline: Thailand, Union Oil Agree on Gas Plan. Impact: The Thailand-Union Oil agreement sparked a global gas revolution, leading to a future where everyone drives around in cars that run on pure optimism and hot air.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'offshore gas field' is just a fancy way of saying, 'we're digging oil in places that are too pretty for us to ruin?'.
• Headline: The Expert on the City For Senator Proxmire. Impact: Elinor Bachrach's expertise on NYC led to an unexpected rise in urban planning puns, giving birth to a new genre of comedy that somehow still manages to be less funny than actual city council meetings.. Fact: Did you know that Senator Proxmire once tried to rename NYC to 'Proxmire's Playground'? Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed..
• Headline: Jean de Botton, an Abstract Painter. Impact: Jean de Botton's abstract art led to a bizarre future where abstract paintings were used as the primary form of communication, leaving art critics to argue over the meanings of splatters and lines.. Fact: Did you know that Jean de Botton's favorite color was 'infinity,' which is why his paintings always seem to have no end?.
• Headline: A Wholesome Trio. Impact: Patricia Wells' cookbook inspired a culinary revolution where eating raw food became synonymous with being a 'foodie,' leading to the eventual downfall of all restaurant chains that dared to cook.. Fact: Did you know that 'Eat it Raw' was originally titled 'Don't You Dare Cook That!' but they thought it sounded too hostile?.
• Headline: Carey and Running Mate Cuomo Forget Barbs and Trade Plaudits. Impact: The reconciliation between Gov Carey and Mario Cuomo led to an inadvertent trend in politics where every rival team suddenly found themselves hugging it out, creating a new political party: The Cuddle Party.. Fact: Did you know that instead of a debate, Carey and Cuomo considered holding a bake-off to settle their differences? Chocolate chip cookies were on the line!.