MAY 14, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Honoring John J Delaney’s Contributions. Impact: Delaney's honorary doctorate inspired a chain reaction of honorary degrees being handed out like candy at a parade. By 2023, everyone from cat video creators to TikTok influencers holds a 'Doctor of Memes' degree.. Fact: Did you know that honorary degrees are basically the academic equivalent of a participation trophy? Congratulations, you exist!.
• Headline: Koch's Bid for Control Board Extension. Impact: Koch's push for a 20-year extension led to a domino effect where future mayors started proposing 100-year plans, leaving New Yorkers wondering if they should just start paying rent on the moon instead.. Fact: Fun fact: Politicians love long-term plans because it keeps them from actually having to solve any problems in the short term. It's like putting off laundry until you run out of socks!.
• Headline: The Housing Squeeze: Oyster Bay's Answers. Impact: The Oyster Bay housing projects started a trend of 'elderly-friendly' towns that eventually led to the creation of the 'Golden Years Estates'—a retirement community where bingo is always just a heartbeat away.. Fact: Did you know that helping elderly residents is often just a cover-up for trying to keep them from outliving the youth? It's like keeping the party going while hoping no one notices the music is slowing down..
• Headline: REQUIEM FOR MORO CELEBRATED BYPOPE; TOP LEADERS ATTEND. Impact: Pope's requiem for Moro set off a series of international memorials, eventually leading to a bizarre trend where people started holding memorial services for fictional characters. Who knew Dumbledore would have the longest line?. Fact: Did you know that state memorial services are basically the adult version of a high school pep rally? Everyone shows up, and no one really knows why, but hey—free snacks!.
• Headline: POINT OF VIEW. Impact: The push for revisions to the Employee Retirement Income Security Act led to a flurry of legal loopholes that would later inspire the phrase, 'There's a loophole for that!' in every corporate boardroom across the country.. Fact: Did you know that laws are like a game of telephone? By the time they pass through Congress, they often end up meaning something completely different—like a game of charades gone horribly wrong!.
• Headline: Sports and Politics. Impact: The restoration of pride in Washington's sports teams led to a bizarre phenomenon where local politicians began donning jerseys during press conferences, effectively turning the Capitol into a sports bar.. Fact: Did you know that sports and politics have more in common than you think? Both involve a lot of shouting, questionable decisions, and occasionally, someone throwing a chair!.
• Headline: SPEAKING PERSONALLY. Impact: McSweeney's memories of the Rialto Theater inspired a nationwide movement to preserve old theaters, which eventually led to a resurgence of drive-in movie theaters, where nostalgia meets questionable snack choices.. Fact: Did you know that theaters used to be the place to be seen? Now they're just where you go to see how many snacks you can eat without being judged. Welcome to modern cinema!.