MAY 11, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Goethe's 'Faust' at La Mama Theatre. Impact: If Goethe had known his dark drama would inspire a million college students to misquote him at parties, he might have reconsidered writing it. Now, ‘Faust’ is synonymous with regret, much like that one time you thought it was a good idea to eat an entire pizza by yourself.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Faust’ has been adapted into more versions than there are flavors of ice cream? Clearly, procrastination is a universal theme..
• Headline: Firestone and Agency Conflict over Released Memo. Impact: This memo debacle caused a ripple that led to an entire generation of people not trusting tires, resulting in a spike in public transport usage and the eventual emergence of the hipster bicycle culture. Thanks a lot, Firestone!. Fact: Did you know that some people still think 'inadvertently' is just a fancy word for 'I didn’t mean to get caught'?.
• Headline: Du Pont vs. Alberta Gas: Methanol Price Dispute. Impact: The fierce battle over methanol prices spiraled into a worldwide conspiracy about secret gas price meetings in dimly lit boardrooms, leading to the birth of countless memes about ‘gas wars’ that have nothing to do with actual fighting.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than gas prices are the egos of those fighting over them?.
• Headline: Lady Hailsham, Aged 58, Is Killed In Horseback Accident in Australia. Impact: This tragic event not only sent shockwaves through high society but also led to new safety regulations that, ironically, made horseback riding even more popular among thrill-seekers. Who knew tragedy could fuel adventure?. Fact: Did you know that horseback riding is often considered one of the most dangerous sports? And yet, here we are, still seeing folks hop on horses like it’s a stroll in the park..
• Headline: SENATE ENERGY PANEL REJECTS SUBSIDY RISE ON HEAVY OIL IMPORTS. Impact: The rejection of subsidies led to a surge in 'DIY' energy solutions, with people resorting to candle-making and solar panels made from old pizza boxes. This eventually resulted in a spike in hipster ‘energy independence’ workshops.. Fact: Did you know that politicians have a unique talent for turning any situation into a debate that’s less exciting than watching paint dry?.
• Headline: Cabaret. Claudia McNeil. Impact: Claudia McNeil’s performance marked a turning point in the world of cabaret, leading to a bizarre trend where everyone suddenly thought they could sing. Spoiler alert: most couldn’t.. Fact: Did you know that cabaret is basically just a fancy term for ‘drunken karaoke’ but with better costumes?.
• Headline: New Rioting Erupts In Iranian Holy City. Impact: The riots in Qom sparked a wave of unrest that would echo through the annals of history, reminding us that sometimes, a little unrest is just the beginning of a much larger revolution. Or at least a good Netflix documentary.. Fact: Did you know that unrest often leads to revolutionary art? So at least there’s that silver lining in all the chaos..
• Headline: Vote on Gas Plan Set By Energy Conference. Impact: The vote on the gas plan means that future generations will be debating energy policies while sipping overpriced lattes and bemoaning the state of the planet—just like we do now.. Fact: Did you know that discussing gas plans is the adult equivalent of choosing which brand of cereal to buy? Spoiler: it’s still boring..
• Headline: Parley Is Told of European Gains By Burning Waste and Garbage. Impact: The success of waste-to-energy processes in Europe led to ambitious 'recycling' projects worldwide, inadvertently creating a new genre of reality shows focused on the ‘thrill’ of turning trash into treasure. Who knew garbage could be glamorous?. Fact: Did you know that one man’s trash is another man’s energy source? Seriously, can we just stop with the waste already?.
• Headline: Historic Preservation Week. Impact: This week of preservation led to an increased awareness of historical sites, saving countless buildings from being turned into overpriced condos. Eventually, someone made a documentary about it—because of course.. Fact: Did you know that preservationists often find themselves fighting more battles than actual historical figures? Just without the cool swords and capes..