MAY 6, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pomare's Blood-Burning Moon New York Premiere. Impact: The premiere of 'Blood-Burning Moon' by Alvin Ailey led to an unexpected surge in dance enthusiasts across the nation. In a bizarre twist, a future Broadway show about mathematicians becomes the hottest ticket in town, entirely because of a new dance move inspired by this performance. Who knew that a little blood and moonlight could lead to a future math renaissance?. Fact: Did you know that the original title was 'Blood-Burning Sun', but it was changed after a heated debate over whether it sounded too much like a hangover remedy?.
• Headline: Record Rise in Installment Debt in March. Impact: The record rise in installment debt ignited a nationwide trend of buying things on credit, leading to the invention of the phrase 'I’ll just pay for it later'. This eventually resulted in a generation of adults who still think that 'buy now, pay later' is a solid life strategy.. Fact: Fun fact: In the future, people will laugh at how they thought $4.07 billion was a lot of debt. Just wait until they meet the credit card crisis..
• Headline: New Jersey Briefs. Impact: Leone's gross income disclosure inadvertently sets off a chain reaction of everyone suddenly trying to one-up each other with their tax returns, leading to the creation of the 'American Bragging Rights Tax Code'.. Fact: Ironically, the $55,000 income would make you a millionaire by today's standards, at least in the fantasy world of Instagram influencers..
• Headline: School for Women Takes a Different Course. Impact: The shift in focus for the school for women leads to a future where women are dominating the business world, and those who were once told to be 'just housewives' become CEOs, leaving their former critics wondering where it all went wrong.. Fact: Did you know that before this change, the school's motto was 'How to Bake Cookies 101'? Which, let's be honest, still has its merits..
• Headline: F.D.I.C. Approves Funds Transfer. Impact: The FDIC's decision to make service charges optional leads to a future where people actually start reading the fine print on banking agreements—a move that shocks the financial industry to its core.. Fact: Fun fact: This decision was celebrated with a grand pizza party at the FDIC, proving that financial regulators really know how to party..
• Headline: Michael Hennessy, a Mime, In Debut at American Place. Impact: Michael Hennessy's debut as a mime ironically leads to a future where mimes are taken as seriously as Broadway actors, resulting in an entire genre of silent films that make millions—unfortunately, all are in black and white.. Fact: Did you know that mime auditions now include a section on how to silently scream? It's a necessary skill in the industry..
• Headline: JOBLESS RATE AT 6%, LOWEST IN 31 YEARS; EMPLOYMENT GROWS. Impact: The drop in the jobless rate sparks an economic boom, leading to a future where everyone suddenly believes they can become entrepreneurs overnight. Spoiler alert: not everyone can sell artisanal avocado toast.. Fact: The 6% unemployment rate is celebrated like a national holiday, even though most people still just want to know if they can work from home in their pajamas..
• Headline: Reno Area Pins Its Hopes on a New Casino. Impact: Reno's PR campaign for the MGM Grand Hotel serves as the catalyst for a Vegas-style competition between cities, ultimately leading to the bizarre trend of city-to-city casino road trips that no one really asked for.. Fact: Fun fact: The original idea for the MGM Grand was just to put a giant 'Welcome' mat in front of the city limits. Classy, right?.