APRIL 25, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Parks Supervisors Restructured for Efficiency. Impact: The transfer of park supervisors creates a ripple effect that ultimately leads to the invention of the 'Merit Badge for Mediocrity' awarded to poor performers for merely showing up. Productivity skyrockets—just in the wrong direction.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing less productive than these supervisors is the average bureaucracy's ability to make decisions..
• Headline: Labor Stance Eases on City Accord Negotiations. Impact: The union's decision to relax its stance on the city accord leads to a generation of workers who think compromise means getting less for the same amount of work, paving the way for the rise of the 'overworked and underpaid' trope in sitcoms.. Fact: Fun fact: labor negotiations are just like a bad relationship—lots of talking but no one really gets what they want..
• Headline: 15 Restaurants Are Violators Of New York City Health Code. Impact: The health code violations lead to a widespread health crisis, which ultimately inspires a popular new food trend: 'mystery meat.' The irony is delicious.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of NYC food, 'health code violation' is just a fancy way of saying 'extra flavor'?.
• Headline: Berkowitz Is Judged Competent. Impact: Berkowitz's competency ruling sets off a series of courtroom dramas that ends in a bizarre trend of mental competency assessments becoming a popular reality show format. Who knew true crime could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that mental competency trials are just like reality TV—full of shocking twists and a lot of people making questionable decisions?.
• Headline: TERRORISTS IN ITALY OFFER TO EXCHANGE MORO FOR 13 IN JAIL. Impact: The Red Brigades' hostage exchange offer leads to an unexpected rise in negotiations tactics worldwide, influencing everything from political deals to 'he said, she said' arguments at family gatherings.. Fact: Did you know that hostage negotiations are actually just a really high-stakes version of playing hard to get?.
• Headline: 1.&M. SAYS BACKLOG IS AT RECORD LEVEL. Impact: The record-level backlog at 1.&M. results in a surge of productivity hacks and motivational posters in offices everywhere, leading to the meme 'Just Keep Swimming' becoming the mantra for corporate America.. Fact: Turns out, the only thing more backlogged than 1.&M.'s orders is my inbox after a long weekend..
• Headline: TOUCHE BROKERAGE AUDIT IS RULED SUBJECT TO SUIT. Impact: The ruling on the Touche brokerage audit opens the floodgates for lawsuits against accountants, leading to a new genre of legal thrillers where accountants are portrayed as the real heroes. Watch out, Batman.. Fact: Did you know that accountants are the only superheroes who can save you from bankruptcy without a cape, just a calculator?.
• Headline: Lower Fares Sought By National Airlines. Impact: National Airlines' proposed fare cuts spark a price war, ultimately leading to the invention of 'budget airlines' and the birth of the modern flying experience—where legroom is considered a luxury.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing cheaper than National Airlines' tickets is the service you get once you're on board?.
• Headline: Physicists at Parley Discuss Challenges of Coal Use. Impact: The discussions on coal use challenges lead to a global movement toward renewable energy, but not before the coal industry attempts to create a new marketing campaign: 'Coal—The Original Renewable Resource.'. Fact: Fun fact: physicists can discuss the challenges of coal use for hours, but they still can't figure out why it's so hard to switch to wind power..