APRIL 13, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Waldheim Seeks Legal Guidance on Shevchenko. Impact: Waldheim's inquiry set off a chain reaction that led to a never-ending cycle of bureaucratic red tape. This single request resulted in the establishment of 'Legalese 101', a mandatory class for future diplomats, ensuring that anyone in power would be just as confused as the populace. Fact: Did you know that asking for legal advice is like consulting a magic 8-ball? The outcome is often just as random!.
• Headline: Review of Garp by John Irving. Impact: Irving's novel, while seemingly innocuous, inspired a wave of literary disasters that led to more book clubs than anyone could handle. The 'Garp Effect' left coffee shops overrun with people discussing their feelings instead of reading, creating an emotional crisis that lasted decades. Fact: Did you know that 'The World According to Garp' is often considered the precursor to the reality TV genre? Because nothing says 'authentic' like fictional chaos!.
• Headline: Vance Is Off to Africa and Soviet. Impact: Vance's trip inadvertently set up a series of awkward dinner conversations for decades, as future diplomats struggled to fill the silence with small talk about the weather instead of discussing world peace. Thanks, Vance!. Fact: Did you know that 'awkward silence' is actually a diplomatic strategy? It’s a great way to diffuse tension while simultaneously making everyone uncomfortable!.
• Headline: Carey to Offer a Plan for Westway Plus Transit Aid. Impact: Carey's plan was the genesis of many a half-finished infrastructure project, leading to generations of commuters forever stuck in traffic while dreaming of what 'could have been' if only someone had drawn a decent blueprint. Fact: Did you know that the only thing slower than government projects is watching paint dry? You could literally set a timer and have a party in the meantime!.
• Headline: Stage: Goldberg's ‘Family Business’. Impact: Goldberg’s play prompted a sudden surge in family therapy sessions across the nation, as relatives realized that maybe sitting down and talking through issues was a better alternative than theatrically airing dirty laundry in public. Fact: Did you know that family businesses are like soap operas? They have all the drama, but with way less budget and more awkward family dinners!.
• Headline: Design Notebook. Impact: Paul Goldberger's article sent architects into a frenzy, causing them to rethink their designs and eventually leading to the rise of bizarre buildings that left people questioning if they were in an art gallery or a bad dream. Fact: Did you know that most architects have a secret design they never reveal? It's usually a house shaped like a giant shoe. Because why not?.
• Headline: Washington & Business. Impact: Business complaints about regulations triggered a new wave of lobbying that transformed Congress into a literal shopping mall, where the highest bidder could buy their way out of compliance. Welcome to the new economy!. Fact: Did you know that Congress has more lobbyists than actual lawmakers? It’s like having a pizza party with only delivery drivers and no pizza!.
• Headline: Promotion Campaignfor NorthKorean Leader's Son Abruptly Ended. Impact: The sudden end of Chim Chong Il's promotion campaign led to an unexpected power struggle within the North Korean elite, resulting in a series of bizarre public spectacles, including synchronized swimming competitions to prove loyalty to the regime. Who knew politics could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that in North Korea, your loyalty is often measured in public performances? Forget elections; it’s all about the talent show!.
• Headline: A New Berkowitz Hearing Begins. Impact: This hearing marked a pivotal moment in the legal system, paving the way for future cases that would redefine insanity defense and inspire countless courtroom dramas in film and television. Berkowitz’s legacy? A new genre of binge-worthy TV. Fact: Did you know that courtroom dramas are the only genre where the truth is often stranger than fiction? Because who needs real life when you have dramatic reenactments?.