APRIL 6, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hofmann's Return: NYC vs. Western Europe. Impact: Hofmann's observations led to a secret society of New Yorkers forming a cult around the phrase 'Has a Nice Day,' eventually causing an entire generation to greet each other with bizarre handshakes and overly optimistic catchphrases. The world is now filled with smiling people, and no one knows why.. Fact: The phrase 'Has a Nice Day' is actually a government experiment to see how many people can be made to feel mildly uncomfortable at once..
• Headline: Optimism Grows in Midwest Farming Community. Impact: The rise in farm prices sparked a secret meeting among farmers who, believing they were the new economic elite, inadvertently started the Great Corn Conspiracy of the 1980s, where corn became the official currency of the Midwest.. Fact: Farmers' optimism often leads to them believing they can influence global economics, but mostly just leads to more corn..
• Headline: Harvey Chertok's Impactful Election as VP. Impact: Chertok's election as VP led to an unprecedented trend in corporate leadership where every VP started wearing a top hat, believing it would make them seem more important. This lasted until the invention of casual Fridays.. Fact: Being elected as a VP in advertising means you can now officially call yourself a 'Very Important Person'—kudos on the double entendre!.
• Headline: Louisianian Contradicts Testimony of Tongsun Park. Impact: Park's testimony ignited a chain of events leading to Congress's newfound interest in financial accountability, resulting in endless paperwork and the invention of the phrase 'I'll get back to you on that.'. Fact: In the world of political corruption, lending $500,000 is just a regular Tuesday for some—especially if you have a 'favor' to ask later..
• Headline: Curtiss‐Wright, if Victor on Proxy, To Offer $40 a Share at Kennecott. Impact: Curtiss-Wright's decision on Kennecott set off a series of corporate spy movies, where every vote at board meetings became a high-stakes poker game, complete with dramatic music and slow-motion shots of paper ballots.. Fact: When it comes to corporate mergers, the real winners are the scriptwriters who turn these events into blockbuster films..
• Headline: Recital: Ruth Laredo. Impact: Ruth Laredo's recital became the catalyst for a worldwide piano revolution, leading to an age where every child was forced to learn piano, resulting in a global shortage of earplugs.. Fact: Attending a recital is like a rite of passage—if you can survive the relentless clapping at the end, you're officially a cultured individual..
• Headline: Pemex Borrows Billion. Impact: Pemex's billion-dollar loan led to an underground oil trading network that saw oil barrels being exchanged for rare collectibles, turning the oil market into a bizarre flea market.. Fact: In the oil world, a billion-dollar loan is just the price of admission to the high-stakes game of 'who can drill the deepest.'.
• Headline: CBS Buys ‘Gone With the Wind’ for TV for $35 Million. Impact: CBS acquiring 'Gone With the Wind' for TV rights led to an explosion of melodramatic programming, where every show tried to outdo the last with more dramatic plot twists than a soap opera on steroids.. Fact: 'Gone With the Wind' is still the only movie to make viewers both laugh and cry in the span of a single scene—because who doesn't love emotional whiplash?.
• Headline: Design Notebook. Impact: The design notebook article inspired countless individuals to attempt owning their own large English country homes, resulting in a nationwide crisis of people trying to fit their IKEA furniture into castles.. Fact: If you think owning a large home is glamorous, wait until you experience the joys of cleaning cobwebs from the ceilings that are taller than most skyscrapers..