MARCH 25, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pentagon Proposes Warship Construction Cuts. Impact: By slashing the Navy's plans, it inadvertently led to a surge in the toy ship industry as children everywhere began dreaming of naval warfare. Coincidentally, this also sparked a new trend in elaborate bathtub battles among suburban kids.. Fact: The only thing more effective at halving budgets than a politician is a toddler with a pair of safety scissors..
• Headline: Perspectives on Aging in Modern Society. Impact: The different reactions to aging led to the creation of the first anti-aging cream. Little did they know, it would just keep people looking young while their wisdom turned into dust.. Fact: Kissinger once claimed that aging is like a fine wine, but most people just end up as vinegar with a bad aftertaste..
• Headline: Support for Portugal’s Economic Vision. Impact: The economic support proposed for Portugal inadvertently resulted in a decade-long obsession with pastel de nata in the U.S., leading to an unexpected boom in Portuguese bakeries across the nation.. Fact: Portugal's economy was so turbulent that it made a washing machine look stable!.
• Headline: Count Basie Opens Yankees Riverboat Complex. Impact: Count Basie's riverboat complex became a hotspot for jazz enthusiasts, which would later inspire a series of 'floating' jazz festivals, leading to an unexpected rise in maritime traffic jams.. Fact: Count Basie could make a riverboat sound like a party—too bad the boat wasn't insured against dancing disasters!.
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: Daryl Gates becoming LA Police Commissioner inadvertently led to a 'not-so-pleasant' stereotype of the LAPD, which would echo through the decades in countless films and TV shows.. Fact: Daryl Gates once claimed he could solve any crime with a donut and a coffee—too bad he didn't mention the need for actual police work!.
• Headline: The Geopolitics of China's Oil. Impact: Encouraging China to develop its oil resources led to the world’s first oil-themed amusement park, where visitors could ride the 'Oil Gusher' roller coaster and learn about resource management while screaming.. Fact: Oil and China have been such a dynamic duo that they could rival Batman and Robin—except their Batmobile runs on crude!.
• Headline: About New York. Impact: The grocery habits of Hispanic store owners in NYC would eventually lead to a nationwide trend of hipster grocery stores, where avocados are sold at a premium because they were once considered 'exotic.'. Fact: The Bronx Terminal Market was once a top-secret avocado stash—because who doesn’t love a good conspiracy over guacamole?.
• Headline: The Failings of a National Test. Impact: The skepticism surrounding national competency testing led to a nationwide movement of parents claiming their kids were 'over-tested,' which would later inspire a wave of parental protests that made the 1960s look like a picnic.. Fact: National tests are like diet plans: everyone wants to follow them until they realize they have to give up pizza..
• Headline: Baryshnikov's Fast‐Paced 'Quixote’. Impact: Baryshnikov's production of 'Don Quixote' inadvertently inspired a generation of ballet dancers to take up windmills as their arch-nemesis, leading to a bizarre trend of dance-offs against inanimate objects.. Fact: Mikhail Baryshnikov can dance so well that even the windmills applaud—though they still refuse to budge..