MARCH 23, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bert Lance's Diplomatic Passport Controversy. Impact: Bert Lance's decision to turn in his passport was the tipping point that led to countless future politicians realizing that maybe, just maybe, they shouldn't use government resources for personal gain. Thanks, Bert!. Fact: The diplomatic passport is like a VIP pass for government officials. Imagine using it for a trip to the Bahamas instead of diplomatic meetings. Classic..
• Headline: Decline in Rigorous Courses in NYC Schools. Impact: As fewer students took rigorous courses, the future of New York's workforce was forever altered. Who knew this would lead to a generation of adults who think 'addition' is a type of app?. Fact: In a shocking twist, 'remedial' courses didn't actually prepare students for life, but they did make for excellent excuses for not understanding basic math!.
• Headline: Revamping Airport Design Standards. Impact: Goldberger's call for better airport design paved the way for future travelers to complain about long security lines and overpriced coffee, without even realizing they were once in Soviet-style terminals.. Fact: Airports were originally designed for function, not Instagram aesthetics. Today, we have 'art installations' that cost more than your first car!.
• Headline: Fischer‐Dieskau Sings Schubert. Impact: Fischer-Dieskau's performance reminded future generations that classical music is best appreciated by people wearing tuxedos and pretending they understand the meaning of life.. Fact: Carnegie Hall has hosted more famous performances than you've had hot dinners. If only they could serve dinner while you listen!.
• Headline: FRANCE WILL SEND FORCE TO LEBANON. Impact: France sending forces to Lebanon was like that friend who shows up at a party uninvited, creating a diplomatic mess that would ripple through international relations for decades.. Fact: The irony of foreign troops 'bringing peace' is that they often bring more conflict. Thanks for the help, guys!.
• Headline: About New York. Impact: Dorothy Day's relentless work inspired countless future activists, making it clear that you can be a saint and still have to deal with bureaucratic nonsense.. Fact: 90% of activism is just paperwork, and the other 10% is yelling at people to fill out their forms correctly!.
• Headline: TRUDEAU ASKS ACTION ON WORLD PROBLEMS. Impact: Trudeau's appeal for action on world problems was the moment Canada officially became the world's nice neighbor who always has the best snacks but never really solves anything.. Fact: Canada has the highest per capita consumption of 'sorry'—apologies that could have been avoided if people just learned to say 'no.'.
• Headline: From the Four Corners of the Earth. Impact: Richard deCombray’s eclectic decor choices would inspire countless hipsters to decorate their homes with random artifacts, confusing future generations about what 'culture' really means.. Fact: A brownstone filled with global decor was the precursor to Pinterest boards filled with 'travel-inspired' home designs. Thanks, Richard!.
• Headline: Around the Nation. Impact: The bombings in Denver set off a series of security measures and paranoia that would haunt American cities for decades. Who knew a quiet afternoon could lead to the TSA?. Fact: The chances of being in a city where a bomb goes off are low, but the chances of getting stuck in traffic on the way to the airport? Almost guaranteed!.
• Headline: Books: Clurman's ‘Ibsen’ Distills His Career. Impact: Clurman's book on Ibsen would ensure that future generations would take theater far too seriously, leading to endless discussions about the meaning of life over coffee.. Fact: Theater nerds have been arguing about Ibsen since the dawn of time. Spoiler alert: nobody has ever reached a conclusion..