MARCH 9, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discovering Little Italy's Architectural Gems. Impact: If Little Italy hadn't been celebrated, we might have ended up with a boring neighborhood called 'Just Another Place to Get Pizza' instead. Future generations could have starved for culture—or worse, settled for chain restaurants!. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'Little Italy' three times in front of a mirror, a pizza will appear? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be nice?.
• Headline: Senators Expand Inquiry into Marston Dismissal. Impact: This inquiry will inevitably lead to future senators forming a support group for document hoarding, thus creating the first 'Paperwork Anxiety' self-help movement. Thanks, Marston!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing wider than this inquiry is the gap between what the public thinks politicians do and what they actually do!.
• Headline: Miami's Historic Transit System Approval. Impact: The approval of this transit system set off a chain reaction that eventually led to Miami becoming the first city where you can get stuck in traffic while riding a train. Truly innovative!. Fact: Did you know that in Miami, a traffic jam can happen even on the water? Boat traffic is a serious issue, folks!.
• Headline: GORDON E. COX OF CANADA, CAREER DIPLOMAT WAS 60. Impact: Cox's diplomatic career likely influenced countless negotiations, leading to a world where we sometimes agree to disagree—unless it's about pineapple on pizza, of course.. Fact: Gordon E. Cox once said, 'Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.' Classic!.
• Headline: H.E.W. WARNS ABOUT BIAS IN PUNISHING OF TEACHERS. Impact: This warning opened the floodgates for countless debates about fairness in schools. Who knew that teachers’ romantic entanglements would lead to an entire generation of educators being more cautious in their affairs?. Fact: Did you know that school romances have a higher chance of surviving than those in the workplace? Must be the lack of HR departments!.
• Headline: Anker to Suspend Queens Board Unless ItGives Racial Data to U.S.. Impact: Anker's ultimatum turned the Community School Board into a data-gathering machine, making it the most organized school board in history—who knew that data collection could lead to such fame?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complicated than collecting ethnic data in schools is getting teenagers to answer honestly about their favorite music!.
• Headline: Spicks Picks All as Next Foe; Blacks Oppose South Africa Site. Impact: This fight could have changed the course of boxing history, leading to a future where boxers only fought in universally accepted venues—like your living room!. Fact: Rumor has it that if Ali had fought in a more neutral location like a trampoline park, it would have been the highest-rated fight in history!.
• Headline: Civiletti's Cover‐Up. Impact: The fallout from this cover-up would echo through time, creating a culture of conspiracies that would culminate in the rise of amateur sleuths armed with nothing but Wi-Fi and a thirst for drama.. Fact: Did you know that cover-ups are like onions? They make you cry and can leave a bad taste in your mouth!.