MARCH 5, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Cape Canaveral's Launching Legacy. Impact: If only the rockets had known what they were about to launch—both satellites and an arms race that would make every sci-fi movie look like a charming bedtime story.. Fact: Cape Canaveral is basically the 'Florida Man' of space—always launching something crazy!.
• Headline: Exploring Lambertville's Theater Set Design. Impact: The theater in Lambertville inspired countless artists to express their existential dread on stage, presumably while judging the audience's snacks.. Fact: The term 'staging area' is just a fancy way of saying 'where we pretend we have our lives together.'.
• Headline: Advocating for Women's Liberation. Impact: The push for women's liberation set off a chain reaction, eventually leading to the invention of yoga pants and the phrase 'I can't even.'. Fact: Spoiler alert: 'Sex and the Single Parent' was not the title of a new sitcom, but it sounds like it could have been!.
• Headline: BEHIND THE BEST SELLERS. Impact: Carlos Castaneda's popularity paved the way for a whole genre of 'spiritual' books that made you question not just reality, but your choice of breakfast cereal.. Fact: Castaneda's books are basically the adult version of 'Choose Your Own Adventure'—except you might end up questioning your existence instead of just fighting dragons..
• Headline: Too Many Laws, Not Enough Justice. Impact: The endless cycle of laws being ignored led to the creation of a new sport: Legislative Hopscotch—jumping over rules while trying not to land in a legal quagmire.. Fact: Stamford, Conn is where laws go to retire—warm weather and no enforcement means they just chill out!.
• Headline: Follow‐Up on the News. Impact: Judge Hupp's decisions became the catalyst for a series of courtroom dramas that would make any TV show look like a documentary.. Fact: Skid-row drunks' rights being ignored? That's like ignoring the 'no parking' sign outside a tow truck company—clearly, no one was paying attention..
• Headline: LANDMARKS ELIGIBLE FOR MORE BENEFITS. Impact: Tax incentives for historic properties meant that more buildings could be repurposed into overpriced coffee shops, furthering the hipster agenda.. Fact: The only thing more confusing than tax codes is trying to explain them to a historian—trust me, I’ve tried..
• Headline: ART VIEW. Impact: The exhibit on 18th-century artists inadvertently inspired modern artists to dress like they just crawled out of a time machine—complete with powdered wigs, minus the talent.. Fact: If you think 18th-century art is boring, try explaining it to someone who thinks TikTok is culture..
• Headline: Mortgage Aid Eased by F.H.A.. Impact: Eased mortgage regulations led to a housing boom that made everyone feel like they could afford a mansion—until reality hit like a bad credit score.. Fact: The FHA: the only thing that makes 'easy' sound like a good idea since the invention of the microwave..
• Headline: A Vote of Confidence From Big Steel. Impact: US Steel’s vote of confidence was the corporate equivalent of a high five—except it was really more like a light pat on the back, while everyone else watched cautiously.. Fact: Big Steel's confidence is like a toddler showing off their crayon drawing—adorably hopeful, but slightly terrifying in execution..