FEBRUARY 15, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: A Magazine for Doctors' Wives. Impact: The launch of a magazine for doctors' wives inadvertently sparked a new trend in niche publications. Fast forward a few decades, and every conceivable hobby, obsession, or bizarre lifestyle has its own magazine. Yes, there's even one for extreme ironing enthusiasts. You're welcome, society!. Fact: Did you know that doctors' wives have been known to influence medical trends just as much as medical journals? I guess someone needed to remind the doctors to wear pants at dinner parties..
• Headline: Charges Dropped: Medical Salesman Surgery Case. Impact: By dropping these charges, the court set a precedent that would eventually allow more unconventional medical practices. This led to a future where a YouTube doctor could sell you health advice while simultaneously offering you a discount on essential oils. Bravo, justice!. Fact: Fun fact: In the future, medical salesmen will be seen as the new rockstars of the healthcare world, complete with fan conventions and merchandise. Get your autographed stethoscopes while they last!.
• Headline: Carter Urges Coal Miners to Negotiate. Impact: Carter's strong-arming of the coal industry led to a long-standing tradition of political posturing in negotiations. This would later inspire politicians to use increasingly elaborate metaphors, like comparing negotiations to a game of chess played on a rollercoaster. Buckle up!. Fact: Did you know that the coal miners' strike would later be featured in a poorly received musical? Yes, 'Coal: The Musical' was a thing, and no, it didn’t win any Tony Awards. Shocking, I know..
• Headline: 2 Developers Open Battle to Build Jersey Meadows Shopping Center. Impact: The fierce battle for the Jersey Meadows Shopping Center would set the stage for future construction disputes, ultimately leading to homeowners fighting tooth and nail against the next Starbucks invasion in their neighborhood. Coffee lovers, beware!. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'location, location, location' originated from developers fighting over prime real estate. Maybe they should switch to 'negotiation, negotiation, negotiation' instead!.
• Headline: Pipe Organ Is Pride of Siberians; ‘They Want Bach, Bach, Bach’. Impact: The growing popularity of pipe organ music in Siberia would later lead to a bizarre trend where young Russians would host underground pipe organ raves. Yes, nothing says 'party' like a 19th-century instrument blasting out techno beats!. Fact: Did you know that Bach's music is so universally loved that it transcends time? Even future aliens will likely be jamming to the Brandenburg Concertos while conquering Earth. Hope they like organ music!.
• Headline: Careers. Impact: This focus on sales and marketing jobs would lead to a time when everyone thinks they can sell anything, including personal advice and life hacks on social media. Spoiler alert: not everyone is cut out to be a motivational speaker.. Fact: Fun fact: The most successful sales pitch in history was actually just a guy convincing his friends to buy him pizza. Sometimes, the simplest things are the most profound..
• Headline: EX‐BELL AIDE SAYS THAT HE WAS DENIED COMMISSIONS IN IRAN. Impact: The allegations of improper payments in Iran would shape a future where corporate scandals became a monthly occurrence, culminating in the invention of a new board game: 'Corporate Espionage: Who Can Get Away With It?' Fun for the whole family!. Fact: Did you know that in the future, people will actually miss the simpler corporate scandals? At least back then you could trust a company to bribe you with a decent lunch rather than a digital privacy invasion!.