JANUARY 27, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Danscompany's 'Phantom of the Opera' Premiere. Impact: This production's success inspired countless imitations and adaptations, leading to a worldwide obsession with masked singers. Little did they know, in the future, people would wear masks for very different reasons.. Fact: Did you know that Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Phantom' has been performed more times than the average person has had a decent night's sleep? That's right, Broadway's got nothing on insomnia..
• Headline: Investigation of Government Witness Coaching. Impact: The fallout from this probe created a ripple effect of mistrust in government witnesses, which ultimately led to the creation of reality TV shows where people pretend to be honest but are, in fact, coached to lie. Thanks, New Jersey!. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey has more diners than any other state? Guess they need a lot of places for all those shady conversations to happen over pancakes..
• Headline: BERGLAND WOULD END 160‐ACRE FARM LIMIT. Impact: This decision opened the floodgates for mega-farms to dominate agriculture, leading to the rise of GMO crops and the eventual downfall of your local farmer's market. Who needs fresh tomatoes when you can have the same tomato for eternity?. Fact: Did you know that the average farm size has increased so much that cows now have their own zip codes? Well, that's a moo-ving experience!.
• Headline: FIRE PENSION FUND: ENOUGH UNTIL JUNE. Impact: The revelation of this pension fund's health led to a series of financial reforms in municipal budgeting, which eventually resulted in the creation of 'Pension Fund Bingo'—a game played by city officials to see who could cut costs without causing riots.. Fact: Did you know that city pension funds are like that one friend who always borrows money but never pays you back? You're always left wondering if you'll see it again..
• Headline: Senate Is Deluged by Lobbyists As It Studies Labor Law Change. Impact: This influx of lobbyists led to the rise of political action committees, which in turn made 'money in politics' a hot topic. Eventually, this inspired a series of protests, all while senators were busy shaking hands and counting cash.. Fact: Did you know that lobbying is basically just legalized bribery? It's like paying for a VIP pass to the legislative process—who doesn't want to skip the line?.
• Headline: Senate Is Deluged by Lobbyists As It Studies Labor Law Change. Impact: The ongoing battle of lobbyists influenced the creation of a new political science class: 'How to Get What You Want by Throwing Money at It.' Future generations would thank them for this invaluable life skill.. Fact: Did you know that the Senate's lobbyist meetings are the closest thing we have to a political version of 'The Hunger Games'? Only the most strategic survive..
• Headline: Auctions. Impact: The sale of Robert von Hirsch's art collection paved the way for art auctions to become the new gold standard for rich people's status symbols, resulting in the rise of pretentious Instagram accounts showcasing overpriced canvases.. Fact: Did you know that art collectors often pay more for a piece than the average person spends on rent? Talk about a different kind of living art!.
• Headline: A Whim That Led To Nitrite‐Free Meats. Impact: This butcher's random decision sparked a trend toward healthier eating, leading to countless hipster food movements and overpriced organic meats being sold in neighborhoods where the only thing they actually farm is avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that nitrite-free meats are now so trendy that they might as well have their own clothing line? Watch out, because bacon is about to start selling skinny jeans!.