JANUARY 11, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Coping With Colds And Flu Strategies. Impact: The widespread sharing of cold remedies led to the invention of the 'cold season' as an excuse for skipping work, resulting in millions of afternoons spent binge-watching TV shows instead of being productive.. Fact: Did you know that the common cold is caused by over 200 different viruses? So good luck with that homemade chicken soup!.
• Headline: Met Acquires Rare 9th-Century Ivory Plaque. Impact: The purchase of this ivory plaque sparked a secret society of art collectors who believe that they can communicate with the spirits of past artists, leading to a surge in overpriced art sales and questionable installations in hipster cafes.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think your collection of vintage vinyl is impressive, just wait until you see what the Met has in their backroom!.
• Headline: WELFARE ROLLS FALL TO EIGHT‐YEAR LOW. Impact: This reduction in welfare rolls caused a ripple effect that led to a nationwide trend of politicians claiming credit for economic recovery while simultaneously ignoring the struggles of those still in need.. Fact: It's fascinating to think that for every percentage point drop in welfare, a politician somewhere is busy planning their next photo op..
• Headline: Helping Japan Solve Its Economic Problems. Impact: Prof. Saxonhouse's insights inadvertently led to a global fascination with sushi, causing a shortage of wasabi and the rise of hipster sushi rolls that nobody asked for.. Fact: Did you know that Japan's economy is so resilient that it could survive an alien invasion? Well, at least that's what the conspiracy theorists say..
• Headline: Steingut Moves for Gubernatorial Primary in June. Impact: The governor's race stirred up such excitement that it led to the creation of a new reality TV show called 'The Political Playground', where candidates compete in ridiculous challenges instead of debates.. Fact: The last time anyone was this excited about a primary, it involved a different kind of 'primary colors'—you know, the kind you find in a box of crayons..
• Headline: Guber and Gross to Stage Musicals at Jones Beach. Impact: Their productions inadvertently inspired a new wave of musical theater enthusiasts, leading to a summer of spontaneous karaoke battles across the nation.. Fact: If you think the idea of a musical at the beach is great, just wait until you see the sunburnt cast trying to perform in the sand!.
• Headline: Wes Siders Unite Against Hotel to Force Test of Prostitution Law. Impact: The community's efforts to test the prostitution law inadvertently led to the establishment of a new trend where neighborhood associations monitor all local businesses, including taco trucks and laundromats.. Fact: It's heartwarming to see neighbors band together, as long as they don't start monitoring your Netflix habits next..
• Headline: Shipping Bureau Voyage: From Broad to Broadway. Impact: The renovations of the shipping bureau led to a bizarre trend where every corporate office now has a rooftop garden, causing a nationwide obsession with 'office lattes' and Instagrammable plants.. Fact: Did you know that shipping offices are the new hipster hangouts? Next thing you know, they'll be serving artisanal lattes with a side of postage stamps..
• Headline: Blacks Protest ‘Robeson’. Impact: The protest against the play led to a resurgence in cultural awareness and representation, forever changing how stories of influential black figures are told on stage and screen.. Fact: Paul Robeson's legacy is so powerful that even a one-man show can't contain his spirit—it's like trying to fit an elephant in a Volkswagen!.