JANUARY 4, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Koch Seeks Control Over NYC Schools. Impact: Koch's quest for control over NYC schools sparked a chain reaction of mayoral power grabs, ultimately leading to a dystopian future where mayors control everything from schools to your favorite pizza toppings.. Fact: Fun fact: Giving politicians control over schools is like letting a cat decide the dinner menu. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly fish..
• Headline: Koch Appoints Sturz as Deputy Mayor. Impact: This appointment might have seemed innocuous, but it was the first domino in a long line of questionable political appointments that would eventually lead to a reality show called 'Deputy Mayor: The Real Political Housewives of NYC'.. Fact: Did you know that 'Deputy Mayor' was once a prestigious title? Now it's more like 'person who holds the coffee for the real decision-makers.'.
• Headline: Geothermal Units: An Alternative In Our Growing Quest for Energy. Impact: The push for geothermal energy led to a bizarre trend of people trying to harness the Earth's inner heat to cook their dinners, resulting in several lawsuits and a new cooking show titled 'Geothermal Gourmet.'. Fact: Fun fact: Geothermal energy is not just for heating; it’s also great for melting ice cream—if only we could figure out how to harness that without turning everything into a lava flow..
• Headline: CARTER AND SAUDIS MEET ON MIDEAST AND OIL PROBLEM. Impact: This meeting laid the groundwork for future diplomatic relationships, which subsequently turned into a series of awkward handshakes and 'let's pretend we agree' photo ops that would last decades.. Fact: Fun fact: Diplomatic meetings are much like family reunions—everyone smiles for the camera while secretly plotting who they can avoid next time..
• Headline: Careers. Impact: The desperate hunt for mining engineers resulted in a surprising spike in college enrollments for geology majors, leading to many students discovering that rocks don’t pay the bills like they thought they would.. Fact: Did you know that 'mining engineer' is just a fancy term for 'person who digs in the dirt looking for shiny things'? Sounds like a childhood dream gone terribly wrong..
• Headline: Chinese to Build New City on Re Of Tangshan, Destroyed by a Quake. Impact: The ambitious rebuilding effort sparked a global movement for earthquake preparedness and city planning, leading to the invention of 'Earthquake Survivor' reality shows that would dominate television for years.. Fact: Did you know that rebuilding a city after a disaster is like trying to fix a broken toy? There’s always a piece missing, and you end up with a lot of extra screws that don't seem to fit anywhere..