DECEMBER 15, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cancer Risks Associated with Hair Dye. Impact: The fear of cancer from hair dye led to a global obsession with natural beauty, creating a billion-dollar market for organic hair products. In the future, a radical group emerges that believes hair dye is an affront to nature, leading to dye-free zones across major cities.. Fact: Did you know that some people still think the only thing scarier than a bad hair day is a bad dye job? Spoiler: they're both traumatic..
• Headline: Healthcare Crisis in the South Bronx. Impact: The lack of doctors in the South Bronx prompted a mass migration of medical students seeking adventure, leading to a new trend of 'adventurous medicine' where doctors perform surgeries in unconventional places like parks and subway stations.. Fact: Did you know that if you scream loud enough, a doctor might just hear you? Just kidding, they’re probably too busy playing 'Where's Waldo' with their medical licenses..
• Headline: Pressing Vietnam for Release of Americans. Impact: The U.S. pressing Vietnam for the release of those Americans sparked a series of diplomatic negotiations that inadvertently led to the creation of a popular board game based on international relations, which is now a staple in every household on Earth.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason the Americans were held was because they forgot to check their maps? Geography is hard, folks..
• Headline: Leonard Silk. Impact: The doubts cast on corporate profits led to an economic crisis that resulted in the rise of a new profession: freelance doom-sayers who predict the next financial disaster based solely on their coffee grounds.. Fact: Did you know that if you squint hard enough at a graph, it can look like a rollercoaster? Buckle up for the ride!.
• Headline: Woman Found in Los Angeles Lot, 1 ith Apparent Victim of Strangling. Impact: The tragic murder of Kimberly Diane Martin led to an increase in community safety initiatives, resulting in the rise of neighborhood watch groups that eventually evolved into a reality TV show phenomenon called 'Keeping an Eye Out'.. Fact: Did you know that while the Hillside Strangler was busy, the real crime was 80s fashion? Those neon leg warmers should’ve been illegal!.
• Headline: Schweitzer Leads Poised ‘L'Enfance’. Impact: The performance of 'L'Enfance du Christ' became a significant cultural moment leading to a resurgence in classical music appreciation, eventually resulting in a bizarre trend where people only communicated through classical symphonies.. Fact: Did you know that if you play Berlioz backwards, it sounds like a message from another dimension? Just kidding, but it would be cool, right?.
• Headline: Port Authority Approves Lease For Alexander's in Trade Center. Impact: The lease for Alexander's in the Trade Center was the first step towards the towering skyscrapers becoming the retail meccas they are today—though many still wonder why anyone would want to shop in a building that’s also a target.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more overpriced than a sandwich in the Trade Center is the rent? Welcome to NYC!.
• Headline: Elvis Costello Makes Local Rock Debut. Impact: Elvis Costello’s NYC debut kickstarted a wave of influential musicians who believed that performing in small venues was the key to global domination—leading to a bizarre future where stadiums are replaced by living rooms.. Fact: Did you know that Elvis Costello once tried to order a salad and ended up getting a standing ovation? True story—his charisma is just that strong..
• Headline: Stanford Tuition Rising 9.3%. Impact: Stanford's tuition rise caused a chain reaction of tuition hikes across the nation, inadvertently leading to the creation of a new currency called 'Student Debt Dollars' which can only be spent on ramen and coffee.. Fact: Did you know that Stanford tuition now costs more than some small countries' GDP? No wonder students are living off instant noodles and dreams!.
• Headline: Lakers Win Quietly in Houston Under a Heavy Guard. Impact: The Lakers' win under heavy guard inspired a new breed of overly cautious sports fans who now attend games in full body armor, believing it's the best way to avoid sports-related injuries.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing heavier than the Lakers' guard was the weight of the expectations on fans? Talk about pressure!.