SEPTEMBER 30, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rohatyn Critiques Business Lunch Tax Changes. Impact: If only Rohatyn had known that banning business lunches would inspire countless lunch meetings in coffee shops, leading to the rise of overpriced avocado toast and the hipster revolution. Thanks, Felix!. Fact: Business lunches have been known to boost productivity, but they also lead to the emergence of 'power poses' that can make you feel like a superhero... or just silly..
• Headline: Congress Approves Major Accelerator Project. Impact: This $183-million accelerator paved the way for scientists to unlock the secrets of the universe, or at least create some very expensive light shows that no one understands.. Fact: The discovery of particles at high-energy levels can be thrilling, but can also lead to existential crises about the meaning of life. Just ask your local physicist..
• Headline: Nuclear Power Development Delayed for Safety. Impact: This delay might have saved countless lives, but it also contributed to the ongoing debate about nuclear power that continues to this day, because who doesn't love a good old-fashioned argument about radioactive waste?. Fact: Nuclear power plants are often compared to bad relationships: they promise a lot, but you always have to deal with the fallout..
• Headline: U.S. Agencies Keeping Door Shut, Study Says. Impact: The findings of this study only served to reinforce the idea that government agencies love keeping secrets, which ultimately led to conspiracy theories about aliens and Bigfoot being discussed at family dinners.. Fact: The Sunshine Act was supposed to bring transparency, but it turns out that politicians prefer their meetings like their coffee: dark and mysterious..
• Headline: DAIRY HERDS IN 9 STATES TO BE TESTED FOR DISEASE. Impact: This testing of dairy herds might have saved us from a bigger health crisis, but it also led to the creation of a secret society of cows plotting their revenge on humanity. Moo-ve over, health inspectors!. Fact: Bovine tuberculosis is a serious issue, but let's be honest: the biggest threat to dairy cows is still the popularity of almond milk..
• Headline: Around the Nation. Impact: The Atlas Centaur rocket explosion was a tragic reminder of the risks of space exploration, which somehow inspired a generation to continue dreaming about space travel and making bad sci-fi movies.. Fact: Rocket explosions are a common setback in the space race, but at least they make for dramatic news headlines and lots of memes..
• Headline: Discussed Issue With Vance. Impact: This diplomatic discussion about Park Tong Sun only served to remind us that international relations are like a game of telephone, where the original message gets lost and someone ends up confused about chicken diplomacy.. Fact: When it comes to international diplomacy, sometimes all it takes is a misunderstanding about who gets to question whom. It's the adult version of 'he said, she said.'.
• Headline: Seattle Man Fighting City to Keep His 5 Chickens. Impact: Norman Guthmiller’s chicken battle became a symbol of urban farming movements, inspiring countless city dwellers to fight for their right to keep livestock, while also making their neighbors very uncomfortable.. Fact: Keeping chickens in the city can be a rebellious act, but it also raises questions about who really rules the roost—humans or chickens?.