SEPTEMBER 28, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Agriculture Official Seeks U.S. Aid. Impact: This little request led to a series of agricultural subsidies that eventually resulted in a cornucopia of corn syrup in American diets. Ah, the sweet taste of government favoritism!. Fact: Did you know that the Imperial Valley is so fertile that you could probably grow a money tree if you tried hard enough? Just don't mention that to the IRS.
• Headline: Shuttle's First Operational Payloads Revealed. Impact: These space tests ultimately paved the way for a future where we could send all our bad reality TV shows into orbit instead of subjecting them to Earthlings. Space: the final frontier for trash television. Fact: Fun fact: The first operational shuttle mission was so groundbreaking that even the astronauts had to stop and marvel at the sheer absurdity of launching a giant metal tube into space for science!.
• Headline: Artists Seek Congressional Support for the Arts. Impact: This meeting led to the creation of more arts funding, which subsequently funded the weirdest installations that eventually graced museums, including a giant pile of dirt labeled 'Self-Reflection'. Fact: Did you know that artists meeting with Congress is like cats and dogs trying to collaborate? It’s a noble idea, but it usually ends with a lot of scratching and very little progress.
• Headline: Pentagon Officials Back Canal Pacts At Senate Hearing. Impact: The Pentagon's backing of these canal pacts meant that future generations would have to navigate a maze of international treaties just to cross a body of water. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Did you know that canal treaties are like bad relationships? They often involve a lot of negotiations and someone always ends up feeling cheated.
• Headline: Sean MacBride Heads UNESCO Press Panel. Impact: MacBride’s leadership at UNESCO meant that future press panels would forever be haunted by his ghost, ensuring that journalists would always have to defend their craft against the whims of society. Fact: Did you know that UNESCO is like a global parent trying to get its kids to play nice? Spoiler alert: it rarely works.
• Headline: SECOND MAN INDICTED IN INQUIRY ON KOREA. Impact: The indictment of Hancho C Kim might have seemed like a small blip, but it eventually sparked a whole series of international scandals that made reality TV seem tame in comparison. Fact: Did you know that this scandal was so convoluted that it could have been the plot of a soap opera? Tune in next week for more lies and betrayals!.
• Headline: Gromyko Meets With Carter After Addressing U.N.. Impact: Gromyko meeting with Carter marked the beginning of a complex relationship where every handshake was a potential backstab. The Cold War was basically the world’s longest awkward date. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic meetings often require more acting skills than actual diplomatic skills? Just look at those smiles!.
• Headline: Annenberg Again Changes His•Media Center Plan. Impact: Annenberg's changing plans showed that even in media, nothing is set in stone. This unpredictability eventually led to the wild world of streaming services that change their content as often as we change our socks. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unstable than Annenberg's media plans is the average internet connection on a Monday morning? Good luck watching anything!.