JULY 29, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Samuel Atlas, Philosophy Educator. Impact: If only he could have taught a class on how to avoid pointless debates over the nature of existence, we might have saved ourselves centuries of philosophical jargon. Instead, we ended up with Twitter arguments.. Fact: Did you know that philosophy majors are often asked what they plan to do with their degree? Asking a history major about their future is just as fun!.
• Headline: Carter Halts Iran Plane Sale Amid Opposition. Impact: In a twist of fate, the delay on that plane sale opened up a black market for paper airplanes in Iran. Who would have thought that bureaucratic red tape could spark an aviation revolution?. Fact: Fun fact: Because of this delay, the term 'Cartered' came to mean 'to be stuck in limbo'—like waiting for a bus that never comes..
• Headline: Carter Critiques Demagogic Remarks on Welfare. Impact: This comment set off a chain reaction of politicians trying to outdo each other in the art of demagoguery, eventually leading to reality TV stars thinking they could run for office. Thanks, Carter!. Fact: Did you know that the word 'demagogue' comes from the Greek 'demagogos,' meaning 'leader of the people'? Ironically, many of them seem to be leading the people straight into chaos..
• Headline: Senate Confirms 3 Envoys. Impact: The confirmation of these envoys led to a ripple effect in diplomatic circles, where suddenly everyone wanted to be called 'Ambassador'—even the guy who runs the coffee shop on the corner.. Fact: Did you know that becoming an ambassador is often seen as a cushy job? It's like being a glorified tourist with a fancy title..
• Headline: CARTER ASSERTS STEP ON ISRAELI SETTLERS IS OBSTACLE TO PEACE. Impact: Carter's comments created a time loop where every future president felt the need to weigh in on Middle Eastern peace processes, leading to endless conferences and a severe shortage of donuts.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'peace in the Middle East' was actually coined after a very long, awkward silence in a meeting..
• Headline: Drug Center Workers Charged. Impact: This incident led to the establishment of stricter drug regulations, which eventually resulted in the bizarre rise of 'rehab reality shows'—because who wouldn’t want to watch people get clean on TV?. Fact: Did you know that amphetamines were originally created in the 1920s to increase productivity? Clearly, they didn't foresee the dramatic downsides!.
• Headline: Saudi, Citing Problems Faced by Prince, Calls New York Unfit for U.N.. Impact: This comment sparked a diplomatic uproar that led to the creation of a secret society of princes who meet annually to complain about their difficulties buying real estate in major cities.. Fact: Isn't it ironic that a city famed for its skyscrapers could be deemed 'unfit'? New Yorkers are now quietly plotting to change their motto to 'We’re not fit, but we are fabulous!'.
• Headline: Nationwide Poll Finds 6% Think New York Is a Good Place to Live. Impact: After this poll, New York City started marketing itself as 'The Place Where 6% of You Will Love It!'—a strategy that surprisingly attracted hipsters looking for ironic living experiences.. Fact: Did you know that New Yorkers have a special talent for complaining? It’s practically an Olympic sport..
• Headline: CARTER TAKES A ROLE IN INQUIRY ON KOREAN. Impact: Carter’s involvement in this inquiry inadvertently paved the way for future presidents to think they could just dive into any investigation, no matter how unrelated it was to their actual job.. Fact: Did you know that many presidential inquiries have resulted in more questions than answers? It’s like a never-ending game of political charades!.