JULY 19, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Koch and Badillo Demand SEC Report Release. Impact: In a bizarre twist of fate, the SEC's delay sparked a trend of bureaucratic procrastination that led to the invention of the 'Hold Your Breath' meditation technique. Citizens everywhere learned to breathe deeply while waiting for government reports.. Fact: Did you know that this report was so delayed it was rumored to have been written on a typewriter powered by a sloth on vacation?.
• Headline: Wildfires Rampage Across Maine and West. Impact: The forest fires in Maine sparked a nationwide obsession with fire safety, leading to the creation of the Fire Prevention Mascot, a cartoon character named 'Flamey the Cautionary Tale,' who later became a pop culture sensation.. Fact: Did you know that forest fires are often started by humans? Apparently, 'watching a campfire' is not a valid excuse for setting the woods ablaze!.
• Headline: Kirov Company Plans A Ballet by Balanchine. Impact: The Kirov's decision to stage a Balanchine ballet resulted in an unexpected surge of interest in the arts, leading to an annual event where people awkwardly attempted ballet moves in their living rooms while sipping tea.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time a Balanchine ballet was staged, there were more people in the audience than in the entire town of Livermore!.
• Headline: Laetrile Drive: Support Slows. Impact: The slowing support for laetrile legislation led to a surge in alternative medicine fads, including the infamous 'Cabbage Juice Cure' which promised to solve everything from acne to existential dread.. Fact: Did you know that laetrile was once thought to be a miracle cure? It was so popular that it almost got its own reality TV show, 'Cure Us Now!'.
• Headline: Bhutto's Daughter Begins Drive To Rally Father's Supporters. Impact: Benazir Bhutto's campaign to rally her father's supporters inspired a wave of political dynasties, resulting in a bizarre future where family trees were more complicated than the U.S. tax code.. Fact: Did you know that Bhutto's rally was so well attended, it was rumored to have broken the record for the most enthusiastic chanting ever recorded?.
• Headline: CANADA AND THE U. S. CHIDED ON POLLUTION. Impact: The Great Lakes Water Quality Board's chiding led to a series of international treaties that inadvertently caused fish to start a petition for cleaner waters, sparking the first aquatic environmental movement.. Fact: Did you know that the Great Lakes are the largest group of freshwater lakes in the world? Too bad they didn't hire a PR firm to help with their pollution problem!.
• Headline: Town Where Neutron Bomb Was Developed Isn't Excited. Impact: The indifference of Livermore's town regarding the neutron bomb led to the creation of a new tourist attraction, 'The Not-So-Exciting Nuclear Tour,' which ironically became a hit with thrill-seekers.. Fact: Did you know that the mayor's lack of excitement was so palpable that it became a local legend, with people claiming they could hear crickets chirping during town hall meetings?.