APRIL 19, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mayor Beame Tours New Facility with Grandchildren. Impact: Mayor Beame's tour with his grandchildren likely sparked a nationwide trend of politicians using family outings as a PR move, resulting in an explosion of staged family photo ops that could rival the Kardashians.. Fact: Politicians love family tours so much, they should just start charging admission!.
• Headline: Catholics in Korea Seek Political Change. Impact: The Catholic Church in Korea demanding an end to repression could be seen as a pivotal moment that inspired future democratic movements, ultimately leading to karaoke bars being able to sing 'Freedom' instead of 'Oppression.'. Fact: Did you know that karaoke was invented as a form of political protest? Just kidding—it's just a way to embarrass yourself in front of friends..
• Headline: Mrs. Carter Plans White House Conference on Aging. Impact: Mrs. Carter's conference on aging might have inadvertently led to the creation of the modern senior citizen's discount, which is now a staple in every grocery store, proving that age does indeed come with perks—like cheaper toilet paper.. Fact: Fun fact: the average senior citizen has to endure 3 different generations of bad puns before they can finally retire in peace..
• Headline: Wife Testifies She Tried to Dissuade Croatian From Hijacking Jetliner. Impact: If only Mrs. Busic could have convinced her husband to skip the hijack, we might have seen a world where hijacking was replaced with... I don't know, a bake sale? It would have saved a lot of headaches for the air travel industry.. Fact: Hijacking: the only instance where a couple's disagreement could lead to an international incident instead of a simple 'let's agree to disagree.'.
• Headline: State U. at Old Westbury Boycotted In Dispute on Minority Admissions. Impact: The boycott at State U. Old Westbury could be seen as a minor ripple in the ocean of social justice movements, eventually leading to the rise of social media hashtags that could unite students on their couches instead of in classrooms.. Fact: Protesting for minority admissions is like trying to convince a cat to take a bath—good luck getting everyone on the same page!.
• Headline: Corporation Affairs. Impact: TWA's decision to buy more planes was a pivotal moment that led to the airline industry's obsession with bigger fleets, which in turn led to the invention of in-flight snacks that no one really wants but everyone orders out of sheer boredom.. Fact: Did you know that a plane ticket price is inversely related to how much you want to eat those tiny pretzels?.
• Headline: British Study Finds Concorde Is Noisier Than Other Planes. Impact: The British study on Concorde's noise levels probably caused a panic in the aviation industry, resulting in a series of awkward meetings where engineers tried to figure out how to make planes quieter without actually making them fly slower—because who wants to travel back in time?. Fact: Concorde: proving that sometimes the sound of speed is just as good as the sound of silence... if you're 40 miles away..
• Headline: Belgian Premier Seems Assured Of Backing in Hunt for a Coalition. Impact: Belgian politics took a turn when Tindemans resigned, leading to a long-standing tradition of political instability that has everyone scratching their heads and wondering why they didn’t just stick to waffles instead.. Fact: Belgium has so many political parties that the only thing more complicated than their government is their chocolate-making process..
• Headline: PARLEY ON FLOW OF NEWS FROM THIRD WORLD OPENS. Impact: The UNESCO debate on news flow likely led to the social media age we live in today, where everyone has a platform and misinformation spreads faster than a cat video on the internet—thanks, UNESCO!. Fact: Did you know that the first tweet was actually a complaint about not receiving enough news from the 'developed' world? Just kidding—who needs news when you have memes?.