APRIL 1, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gold Search Abandoned in New Mexico Mountains. Impact: And just like that, the quest for New Mexico's gold was thwarted, leading to an unexpected boom in local psychic mediums who claimed they could 'sense' the gold but just needed another ten years to refine their skills.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever lose something, just search a mountain. If you don't find it, at least you can claim you were on an epic adventure!.
• Headline: House Panel Moves to Counter Boycott. Impact: This compromise was so effective that it led to a new wave of corporate espionage where businesses were trying to outsmart the boycott while simultaneously organizing office potlucks. Because nothing says diplomacy like a taco bar.. Fact: Did you know that the best way to avoid conflict is through food? Apparently, Congress had a different idea!.
• Headline: Solar Energy Research in Golden, Colorado. Impact: This decision marked the start of solar energy's long battle against coal, which eventually led to a legendary duel in the desert—complete with capes and theme music.. Fact: Ironically, Golden, Colorado, became known for its solar research while simultaneously being a hot spot for beer. Who knew energy and relaxation could go hand in hand?.
• Headline: WALTER M'GINN, ACTOR, IS KILLED IN AUTO CRASH. Impact: Walter McGinn's untimely death sparked a movement to create safer roads for actors, leading to the now-standard 'actor safety training' for all future film productions. Because, you know, getting hit by a car is just an occupational hazard.. Fact: It’s fascinating how many people have to die before someone decides that maybe roads should be safer. Welcome to the world of Hollywood realism!.
• Headline: Amy Carter to Accept Elephant. Impact: The acceptance of an elephant by Amy Carter led to a surge in exotic pet ownership among political figures, ultimately resulting in a very awkward White House menagerie. Think of the photo ops!. Fact: Did you know that elephants can recognize themselves in mirrors? It’s a little-known fact that might have made for some interesting discussions with Amy!.
• Headline: Albany to Remove Medicaid Coverage For Podiatry Fees. Impact: Eliminating podiatry coverage sent patients scurrying to quack remedies, sparking a nationwide trend in DIY foot care that involved everything from home pedicures to questionable 'miracle' foot creams.. Fact: It's amazing how quickly people will turn to a YouTube tutorial when faced with the loss of Medicaid coverage. Welcome to the DIY foot revolution!.
• Headline: G.A.O. Study Asks Greater Control By Congress Over the Smithsonian. Impact: This push for greater control over the Smithsonian resulted in Congress deciding it needed a new exhibit: 'How to Politicize Everything: A Congressional Guide'. It was a hit, naturally.. Fact: Did you know that the Smithsonian is basically a giant collection of 'don't touch' signs? Because who needs to learn about history when you can just look at it from afar?.
• Headline: Episcopal Leaders Badly Split in Fight On Hispanic Panel. Impact: The split among Episcopal leaders led to an unexpected rise in 'radical' church bake sales, where churchgoers began using pastries as a form of silent protest. Who knew cookies could be so revolutionary?. Fact: Nothing says 'church dispute' like a bake sale that turns into a heated debate about the merits of chocolate chip vs. oatmeal raisin. The real battle of the ages!.
• Headline: Carter Energy Plan Said to Stress Efficiency Rise and Fuel Scarcity. Impact: Carter's energy plan led to the invention of the 'Fuel Efficiency Dance', a popular movement that swept across college campuses, proving that if you can’t conserve energy, at least you can burn a few calories dancing.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing greener than coal is the envy of environmentalists watching people chaotically dance while discussing energy efficiency?.
• Headline: The New Plumbers?. Impact: This moment where the CIA sought to silence leakers caused a ripple effect that ultimately led to the creation of the 'Intelligence Leakers Anonymous' support group. You have to admit, it's hard to keep a secret when you're trying to remember who you told what.. Fact: The irony of trying to hide secrets is that they often come out in the most unexpected ways—like during family gatherings or awkward small talk at the water cooler!.