MARCH 23, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nicaraguan Officials Charged with Fund Misuse. Impact: Once Nicaraguan officials realized they could profit from disaster relief, they started a trend that led to the rise of ‘Disaster Capitalism’ – an industry where some folks just love the smell of chaos in the morning.. Fact: If you thought looting was bad, wait until you see looting with a business plan..
• Headline: CARTER PROPOSES END. OF ELECTORAL COLLEGE IN PRESIDENTIAL VOTES. Impact: Carter's proposal to end the Electoral College caused a chain reaction that eventually led to America considering a reality TV star as president. Thanks, Jimmy!. Fact: The Electoral College: because why let the popular vote ruin a perfectly good democracy?.
• Headline: CARTER ENCOURAGED BY SOVIET ON ARMS; ADAMANT ON RIGHTS. Impact: Carter's optimistic breakfast with Brezhnev was the catalyst for future politicians believing that brunch meetings could solve international conflicts. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Carter’s positive vibes could have been bottled and sold as 'Hope in a Jar.'.
• Headline: Lance and Blumenthal Uncertain On Plan to End Spending Projects. Impact: Blumenthal's hesitance on 'sunset legislation' eventually led to a world where sunset is just a metaphor for tax breaks that never end.. Fact: If only tax breaks could actually set, like a real sunset. Then we could call it 'Tax Breaks at Dusk.'.
• Headline: Heart Transplant Recipient Dies; Was Longest Living Such Patient. Impact: The death of the longest-living heart transplant recipient shocked the medical community and led to a worldwide campaign for healthier hearts that ironically increased the consumption of heart-shaped chocolates.. Fact: He lived longer than most relationships, proving love truly can be a matter of the heart..