MARCH 20, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate on Anti-Discrimination Legislation. Impact: Repr Timothy J Moynihan's opposition to the anti-discrimination bill sparked a series of debates that eventually led to the creation of awkward Thanksgiving dinners across America, where relatives would argue about civil rights while passing the mashed potatoes. Fact: The only thing more outdated than Moynihan's viewpoint is your uncle's 'jokes' about the internet.
• Headline: Tensions Rise: Nuclear Threats and Terrorism. Impact: C. L. Sulzberger's warning about nuclear war has led to an increase in people taking up knitting as a hobby, creating a global knitting network that secretly plots to overthrow world leaders with warmth and coziness. Fact: The only thing scarier than nuclear war is the thought of a world run by knitters—they're very into their yarn and will not hesitate to crochet a coup.
• Headline: Ancient Mosaic Discovery in Greece. Impact: The discovery of a 410 AD mosaic inadvertently caused a resurgence in DIY home decor projects, leading to a global trend where people began covering their walls in questionable artistic interpretations of ancient history. Fact: Before this discovery, the only thing older than the mosaic was your great-grandmother's collection of ceramic frogs.
• Headline: Cleaning Up The Atlantic. Impact: The pollution of the Atlantic Ocean led to the rise of mermaid activists who, despite being fictional, managed to rally an entire generation to recycle—albeit under the premise that they might one day turn back into their aquatic selves. Fact: If mermaids were real, they'd probably be more vocal about ocean pollution than the average politician is about budget cuts.
• Headline: LEVITT URGES CHANGE IN TAXING OF ESTATES. Impact: Levitt's tax proposal set off a chain reaction of confusion that led to people trying to hide their money in increasingly bizarre places—like under their mattresses or in their pet goldfish's bowl—resulting in a mini-economy of lost wealth. Fact: Did you know that the average person thinks they can outsmart the tax department? Spoiler: They usually can’t.
• Headline: BIG PROTESTS STAGED BY BRITISH STUDENTS. Impact: British students protesting against economic discontent inadvertently inspired future generations to protest everything from climate change to the lack of good avocado toast in their cafes. Fact: It’s almost as if protesting was the original social media—before hashtags existed, there were just a bunch of angry students with placards.
• Headline: Presbyterians in South Name Woman Director. Impact: The appointment of Rev Patricia Ann McClurg as the first female director of the Presbyterian Church in the South led to an explosion of similar appointments, resulting in one of the first waves of clergy who could actually relate to their congregations' issues—like not having enough coffee. Fact: They say behind every great woman is a group of confused men trying to figure out how to brew coffee.
• Headline: Topics. Impact: The rivalry between Stamford and Bridgeport over the Amtrak express stop led to a series of escalated municipal pranks that resulted in a bizarre game of one-upmanship, including a giant inflatable rat being placed at the wrong station. Fact: Nothing screams 'we're serious about our transportation needs' like a giant inflated rodent—it's a classic move in municipal politics.