MARCH 2, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Joe Woolridge's Battle for Justice. Impact: Joe Woolridge's fight against the judge set off a chain reaction where cotton prices skyrocketed, leading to an unexpected rise in the popularity of cotton candy - because who doesn't want a sweet diversion from bankruptcy?. Fact: Did you know that courts love to play 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' but with real people's lives? Spoiler alert: no one wins..
• Headline: Debate Over CUNY and SUNY Reorganization. Impact: The debate over educational funding led to an explosion of DIY education programs, resulting in the rise of YouTube tutorials on how to 'Effectively Learn While Living in Debt'.. Fact: Fun fact: In the end, they did raise the $10 million, but with a GoFundMe campaign that just asked people to 'just send a dollar, please.'.
• Headline: U.S. Skaters Shine at World Championships. Impact: The U.S. team’s third-place finish sparked a competitive spirit that led to the invention of 'Ice Dancing Karaoke'. You're welcome.. Fact: Did you know that figure skating was originally invented as a way for people to show off their fancy socks? True story!.
• Headline: Washington Pleased As Amin Lifts Ban On Americans' Exit. Impact: Amin's decision to let Americans leave sparked a wave of tourism and led to the creation of 'Uganda: Not Just a Place You Have to Stay' brochures.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic crises are just like bad relationships? Sometimes you just need space... and a good exit strategy..
• Headline: OPEC Official Sees an Accord On Price Split. Impact: The potential OPEC accord led to a global oil shortage that ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'carpool karaoke'.. Fact: Did you know that oil prices fluctuating can cause more drama than a reality TV show? Just wait for the reunion special!.
• Headline: The Efficiency Experts. Impact: The criticisms of the Carter administration's efficiency led to the creation of the first ever 'Presidential Efficiency Consultant' - who ironically was never consulted.. Fact: Did you know that efficiency experts are like dieticians for governments? They help you cut the fat... but it's still mostly just a lot of hot air..
• Headline: Carter and Mondale See Bukovsky, a Soviet Dissident. Impact: Carter’s meeting with Bukovsky inspired a series of underground dissident clubs that ultimately led to the first Soviet version of 'The Office'.. Fact: Did you know that human rights meetings are basically just group therapy sessions for world leaders? Everyone leaves feeling a little bit better..
• Headline: Transamerica Building: What Was All the Fuss About?. Impact: The Transamerica Building's appraisal led to a global trend of 'flamboyant skyscrapers', causing architects to question if they were just designing giant middle fingers to traditional aesthetics.. Fact: Did you know that architecture critics have the best job? They get to roast buildings while sipping overpriced coffee. Sounds like a dream!.
• Headline: U.S. Agency to Audit Pension Fund Headed by Missing Nevada Unionist. Impact: The audit of the pension fund turned into a reality show called 'Missing in Action: The Union Edition', which surprisingly won an Emmy.. Fact: Did you know that pension funds are just like treasure chests? Except when you open them, you often find more skeletons than gold..