MARCH 1, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gary's Optimism Amid Carter's Promises. Impact: If Gary had successfully cashed in on Carter's promises, we might have seen a renaissance of inner cities that would put 'The Great Gatsby' to shame. But alas, a few butterfly flaps later, and it's just another rust belt tale of woe.. Fact: Gary, Indiana's optimism was so contagious that it nearly made people forget about the decline of the American steel industry. Almost..
• Headline: Carter Administration's Anti-Boycott Legislation. Impact: Carter's bill against the boycott may have encouraged future administrations to engage in diplomatic gymnastics, leading to the current state of international relations resembling a high-stakes game of Twister.. Fact: This bill was so revolutionary that it made Congress feel like they were actually doing something. Spoiler: they weren't..
• Headline: FBI Break-In Investigation Promised. Impact: The FBI's break-in could have led to a series of 'who's watching the watchers' scandals, possibly inspiring every conspiracy theorist to believe they were correct all along.. Fact: When the FBI is breaking into homes, it seems they were more interested in privacy invasion than actually solving crimes. Who knew?.
• Headline: U.S. Set for Court Action to Remove Fitzsimmons From Teamsters’. Impact: The ousting of Fitzsimmons could have changed the entire trajectory of labor unions, leading to a future where union leaders are less likely to be mob affiliates. Or not.. Fact: The Teamsters have such a colorful history that it could make a better movie than most Hollywood blockbusters. And trust me, it would have less plot holes..
• Headline: Despite Hint of Mafia Tie, Lottery Let Promoter Take Vending Role. Impact: If Frankel hadn’t been linked to the mafia, we might have seen a more wholesome lottery scene, possibly inspiring future states to create lotteries with less crime and more kittens.. Fact: In a world where lotteries are run by organized crime, it's safe to say buying a ticket is more dangerous than a game of Russian roulette..
• Headline: Sudan Joins Egyptian‐Syrian Command. Impact: Sudan's alliance with Egypt and Syria may have paved the way for future geopolitical maneuvers, leading to alliances that make even the most tangled soap opera plots seem simple.. Fact: Arab unity in 1977 was like trying to herd cats—lots of noise, little cooperation, and plenty of scratching involved..
• Headline: Front Page 1 ‐‐ No Title. Impact: The reopening of PS 1 might have inspired future educational reforms, where lunchrooms became the epicenter of learning, and kids started to get educated on actual food instead of just the cafeteria mystery meat.. Fact: The cafeteria is where future world leaders learn to negotiate—over the last chocolate chip cookie..
• Headline: Decline Found in Number Of Poor Schoolchildren. Impact: The decline in poor schoolchildren might have accidentally led to a spike in school fundraising events, as kids realized they could no longer blame their poverty on the lack of school supplies.. Fact: In the 70s, being a poor schoolchild was almost a rite of passage. Now, it's like a rare Pokémon that everyone wants to catch..
• Headline: CARTER AND TOP AIDES TALK WITH GOVERNORS. Impact: John D Rockefeller IV's tax proposal could have resulted in a coal tax revolution, leading to clean energy initiatives that we are still trying to catch up to today, had anyone actually taken him seriously.. Fact: Rockefeller proposing a tax on coal mining is like a kid suggesting a sugar tax at a candy store; nobody’s listening, but everyone’s thinking about it..