JANUARY 8, 1977

Full News Archive

• Headline: Miami Beach Hotels Hit by Strikes. Impact: The strike in Miami led to a mass exodus of tourists, resulting in the rise of beach-themed staycations. Thus, the 'staycation' was born, leading to the invention of overpriced inflatable pools and backyard tiki bars.. Fact: Miami's winter sun is so bright, it could probably outshine your future..
• Headline: Conflict of Interest in Sports: A Debate. Impact: The conflict-of-interest debate in sports prompted the invention of the term 'sportsball', which ultimately distracted fans from the real issues of corruption by focusing on how many touchdowns a player could score.. Fact: Conflict of interest in sports: because who doesn’t love a good scandal before the big game?.
• Headline: NEW YORK IS ADVISED TO DELAY COMPLYING WITH BANK DEMANDS. Impact: New York's refusal to comply with bank demands eventually led to the financial crisis of 2008, proving that sometimes ignoring your problems just makes them worse — like a bad haircut.. Fact: Delaying compliance? Ah yes, the classic New York strategy: ignore it until it goes away!.
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: Albert's potential lectureship at Oklahoma University sparked a series of academic debates that led to the creation of the first-ever 'Boredom Studies' department, ensuring future students could major in sleeping.. Fact: A lectureship? Great! Just what the world needs — more people talking at you for hours on end..
• Headline: Perilous Day for Bettors. Impact: Increased sports betting led to a surge in compulsive gambling, which then sparked a series of anti-gambling campaigns that ironically made gambling even cooler among rebellious teens.. Fact: Bettors beware: every time you gamble, a responsible adult sheds a tear..
• Headline: Cardinal Cooke Donates $250 To Aid Neediest. Impact: Cardinal Cooke’s donation of $250 to aid the neediest was a small step towards charity that inspired a generation of 'just enough' donations, leading to the invention of the 'charity gala' — where rich people dress up to give a little.. Fact: $250 to help the needy? That’s one less overpriced latte for a good cause!.