DECEMBER 20, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Plane Crash at Baltimore Stadium. Impact: Had the plane not crashed, perhaps the Colts would have become the world's first team to win a game while simultaneously being hailed as heroes for saving the lives of fans. Instead, we just got a tragic lesson in 'don't fly your plane near stadiums.'. Fact: Did you know that flying a plane into a stadium is not a recommended strategy for getting attention? Just ask the FAA..
• Headline: Noah Howard's Return to New York City. Impact: Noah Howard's return sparked a jazz renaissance that led to a time when saxophones were considered essential for any home decor, much like potpourri or awkward family photos.. Fact: Did you know that Paris is known as the city of love, but to jazz musicians, it's just the city of really high rents?.
• Headline: NASA Reports a Perfect Record Of 16 Successful Launchings in '76. Impact: NASA's perfect record was so impressive that it inspired conspiracy theorists to believe that all launches were staged in Hollywood, leading to a bizarre spike in UFO sightings.. Fact: Fun fact: NASA's success rate is the only thing that can make a politician feel inadequate in comparison..
• Headline: Smugglers Fight on Kenya Border. Impact: The coffee smuggling riot led to a new diplomatic initiative where countries decided that caffeine should be made a global peace treaty topic—because who can argue with a good cup of joe?. Fact: Did you know that smuggling coffee can lead to more drama than a reality TV show? Apparently, caffeine is a serious business..
• Headline: SUTTON COMES CLOSE TO MAYORAL DECISION. Impact: Sutton's indecision inspired a new political strategy known as 'the art of procrastination,' which has since been adopted by leaders worldwide as a legitimate form of governance.. Fact: Did you know that waiting to make a decision can sometimes be seen as a sign of wisdom? Or just really good at avoiding responsibility?.
• Headline: BUSINESS SWINDLES BY MAFIA REPORTED. Impact: The Mafia's business swindles led to a nationwide trend of 'Mafia chic,' where people started dressing like mobsters, thinking it would protect them from being swindled—because nothing says 'safety' like a fedora and pinstripes.. Fact: Fun fact: The Mafia and corporate America share a lot in common—except for the fancy suits and the occasional brunch invitation..
• Headline: Issue and Debate. Impact: The residents' fight against Bridge Inc actually inspired a new genre of protest music that swept the nation, with ballads about zoning laws and the heartbreak of losing local businesses.. Fact: Did you know that fighting for your neighborhood can lead to some really terrible music? Just ask any local band..