NOVEMBER 18, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Leaders Elected in Connecticut House. Impact: Had the Connecticut House Leaders chosen different names, we might now have a state full of people named 'Speaker McLeaderface' and 'Majority McLeaderpants', leading to a bizarre trend in political nomenclature.. Fact: Did you know that everyone in Connecticut is legally required to be slightly more boring than the rest of the states? It's a tough law to enforce..
• Headline: Chile Releases Political Prisoners Amid U.S. Influence. Impact: The release of political prisoners in Chile set off a chain reaction, ultimately leading to the invention of the 'Freedom T-Shirt' which became a hit at music festivals worldwide, proving that liberation can be quite fashionable.. Fact: Fun fact: Many of those political prisoners later became successful in the fashion industry. Who knew liberation was a runway model training program?.
• Headline: Discover the Liza Pioneer Diary. Impact: This drama could have ignited an obsession with pioneer diaries, leading to a reality show where contestants live like they’re on the Oregon Trail. Spoiler: Everyone dies of dysentery.. Fact: Did you know that reality shows have a higher chance of being historically accurate than your average history textbook? Just look at 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians.'.
• Headline: 8,400 Auto Workers Ruled Hurt Byl6ports Will Receive Benefits. Impact: The ruling on auto workers' benefits made it possible for future generations to blame imports for all their problems, even if they were just too lazy to assemble IKEA furniture.. Fact: Did you know that auto workers are basically the unsung heroes who keep our roads filled with vehicles that break down at the least convenient time? Thanks, imported cars!.
• Headline: CARTER ASKS LEADERS OF CONGRESS TO HELP IN A REORGANIZATION. Impact: Carter's request for Congressional help may have led to a long-standing tradition of Presidents asking Congress for help in ways that would later inspire countless memes of politicians begging for assistance.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Can I get some help here?' has been uttered in the Oval Office more times than you can count? It’s basically the official Presidential catchphrase..
• Headline: FDA. TO TIGHTEN RULES ON RESEARCH. Impact: The tightening of FDA rules eventually led to the creation of the 'Sloppy Animal Research' award, celebrating the most outrageous failures in food safety research every year.. Fact: Did you know that animal research has been the subject of more dramatic films than romantic comedies? Spoiler alert: the animals always win..
• Headline: Lortogs Seeking Reorganization Under Chapter XI Bankruptcy. Impact: Lortogs' bankruptcy filing might have inspired legions of future entrepreneurs to realize that starting a business with more liabilities than assets is the new American Dream.. Fact: Did you know that the 'Chapter XI' bankruptcy sounds like a secret society that meets in a dimly lit basement? Turns out, it’s just how companies say 'Oops!'.
• Headline: PROSECUTION RESTS IN TRIAL OF MANDEL. Impact: Mandel's trial could have opened the floodgates for legal thrillers, turning courtroom dramas into the new gold rush of Hollywood, leading to a world where every actor has played a lawyer at least once.. Fact: Did you know that courtroom dramas often have less to do with actual law and more to do with dramatic pauses and intense eye contact? Who needs facts when you have flair?.
• Headline: Mrs. Chou Renewing A Role. in Public Life. Impact: Mrs. Chou's return to public life inspired a wave of political comebacks, leading to the belief that every former leader could just waltz back into power like it’s a senior prom.. Fact: Did you know that public life and reality TV are basically the same? Both involve a lot of drama, questionable decisions, and people yelling at each other..