NOVEMBER 13, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chrysler Wins Abrams Tank Contract. Impact: If the Army had picked GM, we might have ended up with tanks that came with a side of fries and a warranty that expired after 30,000 miles. Instead, Chrysler delivered tanks that would eventually be used in conflicts, leading to a never-ending cycle of military contracts and automotive puns.. Fact: Chrysler was known for their cars, but who knew they had a side gig as tank manufacturers? I guess 'tank' is just another model name in their lineup!.
• Headline: Tentative Accord in UPS Teamster Strike. Impact: This agreement likely resulted in UPS workers having slightly better working conditions, which ultimately led to the rise of online shopping, where you can get anything delivered—even that embarrassing item you ordered at 2 AM.. Fact: Striking for better conditions is like asking for Wi-Fi at a coffee shop—it's just expected, yet still a struggle!.
• Headline: Exploring the McDonagh Revolution. Impact: This guide probably inspired generations of people to explore nightlife, leading to the eventual rise of influencers who post about their 'going out' adventures while we all sit at home in sweatpants.. Fact: Going out used to mean actually leaving your house. Now it means scrolling through Instagram to see what you’re missing while you binge-watch your favorite show!.
• Headline: Burns vs. Carter?. Impact: This debate over the Federal Reserve has likely led to every future economic discussion being filled with jargon that makes it sound like they're speaking in code. Thanks, Burns, for warming us up to the cold, hard truth of economic policy!. Fact: The Federal Reserve might as well be a secret society, considering how much everyone pretends to understand what they actually do!.
• Headline: LOUIS COHN. Impact: Louis Cohn's legacy probably involves a complex web of family trees and an array of namesakes who think they’re unique but are just part of the Cohn clan. Who knew one name could lead to that many awkward family reunions?. Fact: You can find a Louis Cohn in almost every corner of America, which is a great reminder that your name doesn't make you special, just a part of the crowd!.
• Headline: Vote by U.S. Against Israel at U.N. Linked to Effort for Mideast Talks. Impact: This vote may have been a step towards peace—or just another reason for diplomats to throw shade at each other. Who could have guessed that politics would be so...political?. Fact: The U.N. is basically the world's longest running soap opera, filled with drama, plot twists, and lots of characters you wish would just leave the stage!.
• Headline: PETER ROSENFELD OFFERS A LIVELY CELLO RECITAL. Impact: Rosenfeld's recital likely inspired a generation of cellists who thought, 'If he can do it, so can I!'—leading to countless living rooms filled with screeching strings and parents wondering why they ever encouraged music lessons.. Fact: The cello is the only instrument that can make you feel like a musical genius or a total disaster, depending on whether you hit the right note or not!.
• Headline: E. LAWSON MAY. Impact: May’s contributions are probably lost in the annals of history, but you can bet there’s a May fan club somewhere, passionately discussing the nuances of their favorite E. Lawson work.. Fact: If you Google 'E. Lawson May,' prepare to be bombarded with unrelated results, because apparently having a common name is a historical hazard!.
• Headline: Queens Jury Is Looking Into Zoning Payoff Charges. Impact: This investigation might have set off a chain reaction of political corruption investigations, leading to the current state of affairs where every politician has to look over their shoulder for hidden cameras and murmurs of 'payoff.'. Fact: In politics, zoning changes can be more valuable than gold, especially if you're trying to build a skyscraper instead of a quaint little coffee shop!.
• Headline: BEAME DEFENDS USE OF HIDDEN SUBSIDIES. Impact: Beame’s defense of hidden subsidies likely led to a greater public distrust of government spending, resulting in endless debates over what exactly 'hidden' means. Spoiler: it’s all hidden in plain sight.. Fact: Hidden subsidies are like the secret menu at your favorite restaurant—you hear about them but never quite know how to order them!.