OCTOBER 19, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Carter's Campaign Efforts in NYC. Impact: Carter's efforts to connect with NYC voters led to the rise of brunch culture, as voters realized they could only drown their apathy in bottomless mimosas.. Fact: Fun fact: Jimmy Carter is still trying to recoup his popularity. Spoiler alert: it hasn’t worked yet..
• Headline: NAACP Seeks Pardon for Scottsboro Defendant. Impact: The push for Clarence Norris’s pardon sparked a nationwide trend of people demanding justice decades later, leading to a bizarre 21st-century movement where everyone wants a do-over on their bad high school decisions.. Fact: The Scottsboro case was so controversial that it basically invented the phrase 'you can't make this stuff up.'.
• Headline: PSC Staff Recommends Major Rate Cut. Impact: The PSC's recommendation against Con Ed's rate increase led to the establishment of the 'Rate Hike Resistance' movement, where citizens banded together to protest rising costs with candlelight vigils—ironically using the very electricity they were protesting.. Fact: Con Ed's proposed rate increase was so high that even their own lightbulbs were dimming in shame..
• Headline: Carter Will Campaign To Overcome Apathy. Impact: Carter's attempts to overcome voter apathy resulted in a series of motivational posters that somehow evolved into 'Live, Laugh, Love' wall art found in every suburban home.. Fact: Carter's campaign rallies had more enthusiasm than a cat video on the internet. And that’s saying something..
• Headline: A Judge Rules ‘‐person’ is Non Grata. Impact: The 'non grata' ruling on the term 'person' led to a chain reaction where every other noun started demanding equal treatment, resulting in a linguistic revolution where even chairs and tables wanted an identity.. Fact: In a twist of irony, 'Cooperperson' was rejected, but 'Chairman' remains perfectly acceptable..
• Headline: Chinese Paper Alludes to a Coup Bid. Impact: The Chinese paper's coup allegations led to a paranoid cult of conspiracy theorists who claimed every sneeze in Beijing was a power grab, thus igniting the rise of 'sneeze-ology' as a legitimate field of study.. Fact: In the game of politics, the only rule is: If you can’t trust your own party, trust a random cat video instead..
• Headline: Expert on Aging Calls on Medicine To Plan for Bigger Problems Ahead. Impact: The call for planning for an aging population led to the creation of the 'Golden Years' marketing campaign, which tricked many into thinking retirement was a permanent vacation instead of a slow march toward bingo nights.. Fact: Who knew that 'over 65' would become the new 'under 30'? Because aging is the new black, apparently..
• Headline: Ship Missing in Bermuda Triangle Now Presumed to Be Lost at Sea. Impact: The Bermuda Triangle's reputation for swallowing ships led to a bizarre tourism boom where people would take vacations specifically to 'disappear'—in a very non-threatening way, of course.. Fact: The Bermuda Triangle is basically the universe's way of saying, 'Not today, sailor!'.
• Headline: Kissinger Tells China U.S. Remains Steadfast Against Any Soviet Threat. Impact: Kissinger's reassurances to China about US steadfastness against the Soviet threat may have inadvertently inspired the most dramatic reality TV show premise ever: 'Keeping Up with the Cold War.'. Fact: Kissinger's diplomacy was so smooth that it was rumored he could broker peace between cats and dogs if given enough time and snacks..