OCTOBER 1, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rizzo Recall Efforts Halted by Court. Impact: Had this recall election actually happened, we might have seen a whole new breed of politicians who actually listened to their constituents. Imagine a world where mayors were held accountable! But alas, we still have politicians who think they can do whatever they please.. Fact: Frank Rizzo was known for his tough-on-crime stance, which seemingly involved an equal measure of intimidation and charm. Good luck trying to recall someone who’s as memorable as a bad haircut!.
• Headline: Exploring Peabody Through Music and Play. Impact: If this play had caught on, we might have ended up with a world where everyone danced the Peabody at social events instead of awkwardly shuffling their feet. The dance craze could have been world-changing—much like the Macarena, but with more top hats.. Fact: The Peabody is not just a dance; it's a state of mind. Or at least that’s what the person who invented it probably told themselves..
• Headline: Nixon's Love Letters Authentication Dispute. Impact: Had Nixon's memoirs been accepted as genuine, we might have been subjected to a cringe-worthy literary legacy that could have made his Watergate scandal look like a minor plot twist in a soap opera. Instead, we got a less dramatic yet equally chaotic political landscape.. Fact: Nixon's love letters were apparently so bad that even historians are glad they’re not real. I mean, who knew he was capable of anything other than paranoia?.
• Headline: TROY RESIGNS AS HEAD OF FINANCE PANEL. Impact: If Troy hadn’t resigned, he might have created a new trend where public officials turned their scandals into reality TV shows. Picture 'Real Councilmen of NYC'—it would have been a hit!. Fact: Filing a false tax return? Amateur hour. You'd think a councilman would have a better plan than a high school student during tax season..
• Headline: SPECIAL PROSECUTOR ENDING FORD INQUIRY. Impact: The end of the Ford inquiry could have sparked a new age of transparent campaign financing. Instead, we're left wondering if anyone really knows where the money comes from. Spoiler alert: they don’t.. Fact: Ford’s campaign finances were so complicated that even the math teachers at your local high school would have thrown up their hands in despair..
• Headline: Lawyer Given 7 Years for Embezzling From Clients. Impact: Had this lawyer not embezzled, his clients would have actually received their inheritances. Imagine the ripple effect of a world where lawyers didn’t steal from the dead! Probably a lot less drama in the courtroom.. Fact: It's ironic that a lawyer could end up in the slammer for embezzling, considering the real crime is charging by the hour for advice on how to avoid jail time..
• Headline: New York May Start Flu Shots on Oct. 12. Impact: If NYC had started flu shots on time, the swine flu might have been contained, leading to a world where hand sanitizer wasn’t a fashion accessory. But who doesn’t love a good panic? Nothing like a flu outbreak to get the blood pumping!. Fact: Getting a flu shot is so popular that the line is often longer than the line for a trendy new cafe. Who knew needles could be so in-demand?.
• Headline: Ford's Dealers Devise Strategy To Offset Strike. Impact: Had Ford dealers succeeded in offsetting the strike, we may have seen a utopia where car sales don’t hinge on labor disputes. Instead, we just got more confusing advertisements and fewer cars to buy. Thanks a lot, UAW!. Fact: Being a Ford dealer during a strike is like being the person who brings chips to a party—everyone expects you to provide, but nobody’s really sure how..
• Headline: Metropolitan Baedeker. Impact: If more people had read about Morningside Heights, we could have seen a tourism boom that rivaled the latest blockbuster movie release. Instead, it remains a hidden gem, much like that ancient pizza in the back of your fridge.. Fact: Morningside Heights is so charming that even the pigeons there probably have better stories than your average tourist..
• Headline: Rhodesian Catholic Commission Charges Mistreatment of Blacks. Impact: Had the charges of mistreatment in Rhodesia led to action, we might have seen a quicker end to apartheid policies in southern Africa. But instead, the world just yawned and moved on, as it often does.. Fact: The Catholic Commission for Justice and Peace is the kind of organization that makes you wish all bureaucracies had a little more heart. But don’t hold your breath!.