JULY 17, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mayor Beame Supports Brooklyn Teen Baseball Team. Impact: Mayor Beanie's $10 donation sparked a local baseball revolution, leading to the creation of a youth sports league that eventually produced multiple MLB stars. One of them, after a few too many home runs, became a politician who accidentally passed a law requiring all mayors to wear ridiculous hats.. Fact: That $10 donation is now worth approximately $30 in 'I could've bought a slice of pizza with that' inflation..
• Headline: Community Support in Times of Crisis. Impact: Ned Schnurman's mugging incident initiated a neighborhood watch that spiraled out of control, eventually resulting in a community-wide 'Vigilante Day' where residents dressed as superheroes to patrol the streets. Spoiler alert: it ended poorly.. Fact: In New York, getting your wallet back after a mugging is just as rare as finding a parking spot in Manhattan..
• Headline: Nassau County Board Votes 1‐Cent Sales‐Tax Rise.. Impact: The 1-cent sales tax increase led to an unforeseen economic boom in the county's thrift shop sector, where the phrase 'a penny saved is a penny earned' became a motto for the newly wealthy retirees, who then funded a local opera.. Fact: Nassau County's economy is so resilient, it could probably survive a zombie apocalypse—unless the zombies wanted to raise taxes..
• Headline: HOSPITAL STRIKE ENDED BY A PACT FOR ARBITRATION. Impact: The hospital strike resolution ushered in a new era of labor relations, where every time a labor dispute arose, hospitals were compelled to hire interpretive dancers to mediate. This didn't solve any problems but did lead to some very confusing board meetings.. Fact: Binding arbitration is just a fancy term for 'let's sit in a room until we forget what we were arguing about.'.
• Headline: C.I.A. Broke Into Homes Of U.S. Leftists Overseas. Impact: The CIA's admission about breaking into homes of leftists abroad led to an unexpected trend of leftists wearing tinfoil hats, which later became a fashion statement at various hipster cafes around the globe.. Fact: The CIA breaking into homes sounds like the plot of a bad movie, yet here we are in the era of reality being stranger than fiction..
• Headline: 2 Filipino Sisters Sue U.N. Aides on Wages. Impact: The Diza sisters' lawsuit opened the floodgates for domestic workers' rights, ultimately leading to the establishment of a global 'Domestic Workers Union' which now holds annual 'Thank God for the Internet' meetings.. Fact: This lawsuit only proves that working for the UN pays less than working at your local coffee shop—at least there, you get free refills..
• Headline: Rescuers Enter Mine to Recover Bodies. Impact: The mine disaster triggered a nationwide overhaul of mining safety regulations, which ironically resulted in a new reality show called 'Mining for Trouble,' where contestants tried to survive in the most dangerous mines for cash prizes.. Fact: Mining is still statistically safer than watching reality TV, but only barely—especially when you consider the emotional toll..
• Headline: 2 Seized in Holdup in a Models’ Studio on W. 42d St.. Impact: The models' studio robbery led to a series of fashion-runway heists that became a trend, inspiring a new genre of crime film where thieves wore haute couture while executing elaborate heists.. Fact: Robbing a models' studio is a bold move; the only thing harder than stealing from models is getting them to put on clothes afterward..