JULY 6, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Challenges of the Star Spangled Banner. Impact: The inability to remember the national anthem led to a nationwide search for a catchy jingle. This eventually resulted in the creation of 'America's Next Top Anthem,' where aspiring singers compete for the chance to rewrite the anthem as a pop hit. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well.. Fact: Only 1 in 10 Americans can confidently sing the Star-Spangled Banner, while 9 out of 10 are just really good at humming along awkwardly..
• Headline: Debating the American Revolution's Impact. Impact: Historians continued to debate the American Revolution's status as a revolution. This endless pondering caused an alternate timeline where debates became a competitive sport, leading to the invention of the 'Debate Olympics' where historians throw facts instead of javelins.. Fact: The American Revolution was so revolutionary that historians still can’t agree if it was a revolution or just an intense game of 'who can shout the loudest.'.
• Headline: Ellington Concert Lacks Duke's Touch. Impact: Without Duke Ellington's touch at the concert, jazz music spiraled into a bizarre genre known as 'Jazzercise,' combining jazz with aerobics. Thankfully, this was short-lived, but not without leaving a legacy of questionable workout videos.. Fact: Duke Ellington once said, 'It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing,' which is probably how he felt watching this concert..
• Headline: Royal Tradition Veils the Real Elizabeth. Impact: The royal mystique surrounding Queen Elizabeth II led to a secret society of royal impersonators who attempted to outdo each other in mimicking her. This bizarre competition eventually led to a reality show called 'Keeping Up with the Royals,' which flopped spectacularly.. Fact: Queen Elizabeth II has been the subject of countless conspiracy theories, including one that claims she’s actually a time traveler. Spoiler: she hasn’t confirmed any of them..
• Headline: Bicentennial Spirit Lingers in New York. Impact: The enduring Bicentennial spirit inspired a trend of themed parties across America, where everyone wore red, white, and blue and sang off-key patriotic songs. This fad peaked in 1985 and was subsequently banned by Congress for causing ear damage.. Fact: The hostages rescued in Uganda were part of a plot that involved a very misplaced mix-up of who was supposed to be on which plane. Talk about a bad travel agent!.
• Headline: Gromyko, Not Brezhnev, At U.S. Embassy Party. Impact: Andrei Gromyko's attendance at the U.S. Embassy party made him the life of the party, which led to a series of 'Soviet-American Friendship' mixers. Unfortunately, they were mostly attended by awkward diplomats who couldn’t dance.. Fact: Gromyko was known as 'Mr. Nyet' for his infamous habit of saying no to everything. At this party, he was surprisingly enthusiastic about the snacks..
• Headline: Space Cut is Feared If Viking Doesn't Discover Life on Mars. Impact: The fear of a space cut if Viking didn’t find life on Mars led to NASA's secret program to teach Martians how to play hide and seek, resulting in a cosmic game that’s still ongoing. The Martians are winning, by the way.. Fact: NASA has spent more money looking for life on Mars than it has on its entire budget for Earth-based solutions. Guess they thought space life would be less complicated!.
• Headline: Virginia Beach Revelers Fight Police. Impact: The clash between revelers and police at Virginia Beach sparked a nationwide trend of youth protests, which eventually evolved into ‘National Group Hug Day’ to promote peace, proving once again that nothing says ‘we want change’ like a hug from a stranger.. Fact: Virginia Beach became famous for its wild July 4th parties, reminding everyone that nothing brings people together quite like fireworks and questionable decisions..
• Headline: Aspin Says Data Show Navy is Gaining. Impact: Les Aspin’s data release on US naval power led to an arms race in fact sheets, where each side tried to outdo the other with increasingly absurd statistics. This culminated in the creation of the 'Fact Sheet Championship,' which was just as riveting as it sounds.. Fact: Naval power is often compared to a pissing contest, but thankfully, most nations prefer to keep their pants on during these discussions..