JUNE 11, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mrs. Carter's Campaign Journey. Impact: If only Mrs. Carter had given a major speech, perhaps we would have a national holiday dedicated to her candidacy, or at least a cupcake flavor. Instead, we got a nation that still can't agree on what a 'political spouse' should even do.. Fact: Did you know Mrs. Carter was so good at campaigning, she could probably sell ice to Eskimos? Or at least convince them that ice is a necessary luxury..
• Headline: Senators Unite Against Tax Bill Impact. Impact: The 14 Senators' revolt against the tax bill sparked a chain reaction that ultimately led to a nationwide 'Tax-ation' awareness campaign, resulting in more people than ever understanding just how much they don't understand about taxes.. Fact: Did you know that 'bipartisan' is just a fancy way of saying 'we can't agree but we sure can make a lot of noise about it'?.
• Headline: Disputed New York Delegate Count in 1976. Impact: This dispute over the delegate count led to a series of events that made every future political convention a circus, with clowns and acrobats, as candidates started realizing they needed to entertain rather than just inform.. Fact: Did you know that if they had just flipped a coin instead of arguing, they might have saved time? But where's the drama in that?.
• Headline: Candy Mints Recalled. Impact: The candy mint recall created an unexpected run on healthier snacks, leading to the rise of kale chips and other abominations that we still pretend to enjoy on New Year's resolutions.. Fact: Did you know that Red Dye No. 2 was banned because it might cause cancer? But hey, who doesn't love a little risk with their sweets?.
• Headline: Carter Poll Said to List Possible Running Mates. Impact: Carter's poll on running mates led to the infamous 'who will be the least terrible VP' discussions that have plagued American politics ever since. It's like being asked to choose your favorite root canal.. Fact: Did you know that polling potential VPs is about as effective as asking a group of cats to pick the best dog? Spoiler: it's a catastrophe..
• Headline: Mrs. Ford Says Envoy Rejected Reagan's Offer. Impact: Mrs. Ford's rejection of Reagan's offer set off a series of 'what if' scenarios that have kept conspiracy theorists busy for decades, pondering alternate realities where she did accept and the world was dominated by a Ford-Reagan ticket.. Fact: Did you know that turning down a VP offer is like rejecting a second slice of cake? You might regret it later, but at least you feel a little lighter..
• Headline: Adolph Zukor Is Dead at 103; Built Paramount Movie Empire. Impact: Adolph Zukor's death signaled the end of an era for Hollywood, influencing the rise of independent films and eventually leading to the 'why are we remaking this?' phase we're still trapped in today.. Fact: Did you know Zukor was 103? That's one way to prove that if you keep your dreams alive, you might just outlive your critics..
• Headline: Humphrey Is Considering Race For Majority Leader of Senate. Impact: Humphrey's consideration for majority leader sparked an avalanche of political ambitions, leading to the creation of 'how to run for office' workshops that are still a thing, despite most attendees having no idea what they're doing.. Fact: Did you know that 'considering a race' is just code for 'I need more time to figure out how to avoid answering tough questions'?.
• Headline: Rosenberg Lawyers Alleging Judicial Impropriety in Case. Impact: The allegations of judicial impropriety sent ripples through the legal system, leading to a series of 'please don't sue us' disclaimers that now grace every document ever printed in a courtroom.. Fact: Did you know that claiming judicial impropriety is like throwing a rock in a hornet's nest? It might sting, but at least it's entertaining to watch..