MAY 22, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Filly Triple Crown Triumph. Impact: The Filly's victory spawned a wave of horse enthusiasts who believed they could also become champions, resulting in an explosion of backyard stables and horse-related injuries across the nation.. Fact: Did you know that betting on horses is the only hobby where you can lose money while simultaneously having a great time? It's like investing in stocks but with more hay..
• Headline: Reagan's Grass-Roots Campaign in NJ. Impact: Reagan's disavowal of grassroots efforts caused a rift in the political landscape, eventually leading to the rise of 'fake grassroots' organizations that are now more common than actual grassroots movements. Thanks, Ron!. Fact: Did you know that disavowing grassroots movements is like disavowing calories after eating a cake? It doesn’t change the fact that you indulged!.
• Headline: Article 9 ‐‐ No Title. Impact: Mother Teresa receiving an honorary degree sparked a global trend of honorary awards, leading to a future where even your cat could get a degree in 'Napping Excellence'.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more impressive than Mother Teresa's humanitarian work is the number of honorary degrees she received—she could have opened a university with them!.
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: The Former Members of Congress' award ceremony marked the beginning of a bizarre trend where ex-politicians started to form cliques, leading to the creation of a 'former politicians' reality show that nobody wanted.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more exclusive than a club of former Congress members is a club of people who still think they matter?.
• Headline: NATO SAYS SOVIET IMPERILS DETENTE. Impact: NATO's warnings about the Soviet Union's threat to détente ignited a series of paranoid conspiracy theories, eventually leading to the creation of a new genre of 'cold war' thrillers that no one asked for.. Fact: Did you know that NATO meetings often involve more drama than a soap opera? And yes, the plot twists are usually about as believable..
• Headline: BILL HOROWITZ SINGS AT FOLK CITY STAND. Impact: Bill Horowitz's performance at Folk City inadvertently set a precedent for the rise of coffeehouse musicians, leading to an influx of sad songs about lost love and existential crises that still haunt open mic nights.. Fact: Did you know that attending a folk concert guarantees at least one song that makes you question your life choices? It’s basically a rite of passage..
• Headline: W. Germans Facing Loss On Ali Bout. Impact: The loss of the Ali bout due to poor publicity set off a chain reaction of event cancellations, causing promoters to overanalyze every marketing strategy since then—resulting in the world's most boring focus groups.. Fact: Fun fact: Poor ticket sales are the only thing that can make a boxing match feel like a family reunion—awkward silence included..
• Headline: B‐1 Politics (Cont.). Impact: Ed's laud of the Senate's decision to postpone the B-1 bomber production became a political game of hot potato, resulting in future presidents dodging defense issues like they're in a game of dodgeball.. Fact: Did you know that the B-1 bomber is so controversial, it has its own fan club? Spoiler: They all think it's just a really expensive paperweight..