MARCH 29, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ford Critiques Nixon Book Controversy. Impact: If Ford had publicly embraced the book, Nixon might have launched a new line of self-help tapes on how to be less of a disaster. Instead, we got Watergate-themed board games instead.. Fact: Did you know Ford's dismay led to an increase in ghostwriters for presidents? Now they have to write their own memoirs to avoid disaster..
• Headline: Cardinal Cooke's Historic Speech to Masons. Impact: Cardinal Cooke's speech marked the beginning of a secret Masonic-Cardinal alliance that ultimately led to the first Masonic-themed Vatican Pizza franchise. It was a strange twist on the Holy See.. Fact: Did you know that the Masons and the Catholic Church still can't agree on who makes the best secret handshake?.
• Headline: Democrat Leadership Crisis During Primary Season. Impact: As politicians went on their own missions, it set a precedent for every future politician to prioritize personal branding over actual leadership. We can thank this moment for the rise of Instagram politicians.. Fact: Did you know that 'going on your own mission' usually means avoiding the office to take a vacation on a yacht?.
• Headline: Democrats Hold Carnival Part in Fun, Part for Funds. Impact: The carnival may have raised funds, but it also set off a chain reaction of increasing ridiculousness in political fundraising events, leading to the modern era's bizarre bake sales and dance-offs.. Fact: Did you know that if politicians spent as much time solving problems as they do planning carnival games, we might actually have a functioning government?.
• Headline: F.B.I. Burglarized Leftist Offices Here 92 Times in 1960–66, Official Files Shaw. Impact: The FBI's extensive burglaries paved the way for conspiracy theorists to believe that government agencies were actually run by cats plotting world domination. Cats still deny the allegations.. Fact: Did you know that those 10,000 photographs actually led to the creation of the first cat meme? Clearly, they were onto something..
• Headline: Party's Candidate ‘Says Police Aided Break‐Ins, Providing Security. Impact: Camejo's charges about police complicity sparked countless future debates on government transparency. This ultimately resulted in more memes and hashtags than actual accountability.. Fact: Did you know that ‘provided police protection’ is just code for ‘we won’t get caught’ in political jargon?.
• Headline: TRANSIT WORKERS AUTHORIZE STRIKE AS TALKS CONTINUE. Impact: The strike authorization led to a series of labor movements that eventually inspired the 'Subway Serenade'—a new genre of music sung by disgruntled transit workers.. Fact: Did you know that subway workers’ songs are often just remixes of pop hits with lyrics about delays and broken turnstiles?.
• Headline: Blue‐Collar Women Pioneers on the Assembly Line in Detroit. Impact: The rise of blue-collar women on assembly lines sparked the 'Women in Work' movement, leading to the eventual creation of the world's first all-female construction crew... who still can’t find a decent bathroom on site.. Fact: Did you know that Kathy Richter became a superhero in her own right? Her superpower was making sandwiches that were well-balanced—just like her work-life balance..
• Headline: Rolls‐Royce, Unflattered by Imitation, Sues. Impact: Rolls-Royce's lawsuit against imitation sparked a long-standing battle between luxury brands and knockoffs, eventually leading to the first-ever 'Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery' award, given ironically.. Fact: Did you know that Custom Cloud Motors Inc. was later found to be a front for a group of artists who just wanted to make cars look like they belong in a sci-fi movie?.