FEBRUARY 22, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Impact of Scrambled Primaries. Impact: The confusion over the primaries leads to the rise of a mysterious candidate named 'None of the Above', who inexplicably garners popularity and runs for president in 2028, ultimately causing a national crisis when nobody knows what to do with their ballots.. Fact: In a world where primaries matter, candidates still find a way to lose – just ask anyone who voted for a third-party candidate!.
• Headline: District of Columbia Voting Rights Discussion. Impact: The proposal for D.C. representation sparks a future movement where residents form their own country called 'District of Democracy', which is ironically governed by a council of cats.. Fact: D.C. residents still can’t vote for president, but they can vote for the best pizza place in their neighborhood – priorities, right?.
• Headline: Village of the Past. Impact: Michael Novak's depiction of Bayville inspires a Hollywood film about time travelers who go back to the quaint village to prevent the invention of the selfie stick, which ends up failing spectacularly.. Fact: Bayville may be a small village, but it's got more historical charm than most big cities – especially since they still don’t have wifi..
• Headline: Beauty's Latest Boomlet: Skin Care. Impact: The skin care boom gives rise to a bizarre trend where people start using all-natural products made from ingredients like avocado and unicorn tears, leading to a shortage of both.. Fact: Skin care is so popular now that even your grandma has a 12-step routine – and she still thinks washing her face is a conspiracy against her wrinkles..
• Headline: Ali‐Norton Fight Sought for Shea. Impact: The sought-after Ali-Norton fight leads to a bizarre trend of celebrity boxing matches that inadvertently creates a new form of diplomatic relations through boxing, culminating in a heavyweight bout between world leaders.. Fact: Don King is so good at promoting fights that he could probably convince a tortoise and a hare to settle their differences in the ring – and charge admission!.