JANUARY 16, 1976

Full News Archive

• Headline: Los Angeles Council Bans Smoking in Stores. Impact: The ban on smoking in department stores created a 'fresh air' revolution, leading to the birth of the 'breathe freely' movement that took over the 80s, causing a spike in sales of scented candles and air fresheners. Thank you, Los Angeles!. Fact: Fun fact: Banning smoking in stores means that shoppers can now focus on the real hazards, like overpriced socks and questionable fashion choices..
• Headline: Ford Motor Co. Cancels Price Increase. Impact: By rescinding the price rise, Ford accidentally triggered a nationwide love affair with the phrase 'Wait for the sale!' that has haunted retail forever. Car salesmen now use this tactic as if it were a life philosophy.. Fact: Did you know that ‘rescind’ sounds like a fancy word for a bad magic trick? Now you see it, now you don’t – just like that price increase!.
• Headline: JOB RIGHTS PANEL DEFENDING RULES. Impact: The resistance to changes in job discrimination laws led to a chain reaction of bureaucracy that became the inspiration for countless sitcom plots about incompetent HR departments across television history. Thanks for the laughs, guys!. Fact: Did you know that 'job rights' and 'job fights' are only one letter apart? Now that's a spelling error we can all get behind!.
• Headline: Miss Moore Given A Life Prison Term For Attack on Ford. Impact: Sara Jane Moore's attack on President Ford transformed the landscape of presidential protection, spawning a series of overly cautious secret service protocols that made the next president's life feel like an episode of 'Survivor'.. Fact: The irony here is that if Moore had been more successful with her aim, she might have inadvertently started a new trend in presidential fashion: bulletproof vests as the new tuxedo..
• Headline: $5 Million Urged for Water To Towns on Lake Superior. Impact: This emergency funding for clean water inadvertently inspired a 'water revolution', leading communities to start hoarding bottled water, causing a bizarre trend in hydration elitism that continues to this day.. Fact: They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy clean drinking water, which is pretty much the same thing for those living on the edge of a taconite tailing disaster..
• Headline: FORD TERMED COOL TO 3 KEY AGENCIES. Impact: Ford's coolness towards key agencies led to the rise of 'cool' politicians everywhere, spawning a generation of leaders who think sunglasses and casual attire can distract from their questionable policies.. Fact: Fun fact: Being 'cool' in politics usually means you just know how to use emojis correctly. Look out, world, here comes the Snapchat presidency!.