OCTOBER 19, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Portugal's Weapon Recovery Crisis. Impact: When the Portuguese government told extremist groups to return their weapons, little did they know that a butterfly flapping its wings in Lisbon would eventually lead to an international arms trade scandal and the rise of a certain 'Weapons of Mass Distraction' movement in the 21st century.. Fact: In a stunning twist, the extremists ended up using the weapons to hold the world's most awkward yard sale instead. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well..
• Headline: Jobs Triumph for Nassau Workers. Impact: The discovery of 15,000 jobs in Nassau caused a ripple effect in the job market, leading to a nationwide 'Job Finding Olympics' where states competed to see who could find the most absurd jobs for the unemployed.. Fact: Ironically, many of these jobs involved searching for jobs. Kind of like a 'Jobception'..
• Headline: Prostitutes Disrupt French By-Election Efforts. Impact: The French prostitutes' bold move to disrupt an election sparked the inception of 'Prostitution Politics', a new wave of candidates promising to 'give the people what they want'... literally.. Fact: This event ultimately led to the world’s first campaign slogan: 'Vote for us, we’re open all night!'.
• Headline: Crisis Is Believed to Cost Other Borrowers Billions. Impact: The NYC fiscal crisis led to a domino effect where other cities decided it was a great time to also mismanage their budgets, resulting in the founding of the 'Billion Dollar Borrowers Club'.. Fact: They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of bad decisions!.
• Headline: Gary Chryst: ‘Dancing Is My Highest High’. Impact: Gary Chryst’s declaration that 'dancing is his highest high' inspired an entire generation to pursue careers in dance instead of more practical jobs, leading to a worldwide shortage of accountants.. Fact: As it turns out, 'Dancing With The Stars' was just the beginning; there are now 'Dancing With The Tax Forms' shows in development..
• Headline: How to Make A Car Go. Impact: The article about alternative engines sparked a global quest for the cleanest energy source, resulting in a bizarre future where people powered their cars with leftover pizza slices.. Fact: And yes, that means that in a parallel universe, there are pizza-fueled cars racing down streets—deliciously inefficient..
• Headline: The Cincinnati Kid. Impact: Ferdinand J. Scerbo's questioning of major league baseball's geographical designations led to a series of territorial disputes that resulted in the creation of a new sport: 'Baseball Monopoly'.. Fact: In this sport, you can only steal bases if you land on them while rolling doubles. Talk about an interesting twist on the game!.