OCTOBER 1, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ali vs. Frazier: Thrilla in Manila. Impact: Ali's victory in this fight led to a surge in boxing popularity, resulting in a chain reaction of terrible boxing movies in the 80s and 90s. You can thank him for the existence of 'Rocky V'. Fact: Fun fact: After this fight, Ali became known as 'The Greatest'—though we all know the real greatest title was held by whoever invented the nachos at boxing matches.
• Headline: Aitken's Fables Opera Debuts in Jersey. Impact: Aitken's opera became a staple in the 'Opera for Non-Readers' genre, inspiring countless adaptations that nobody really asked for, including a musical about socks. Fact: Did you know that La Fontaine's fables are often adapted into operas? Because nothing screams 'high culture' like anthropomorphic animals singing about morality.
• Headline: PRESIDENT ASKS $13‐MILLION MORE FOR PROTECTION. Impact: The request for more Secret Service funding meant that future presidents would have a more lavish protection detail, leading to the infamous annual 'Secret Service Gala' where agents show off their dance moves. Fact: Did you know that the Secret Service was originally created to combat currency counterfeiting? Because who needs to protect the president when you can protect Monopoly money?.
• Headline: SENATE UNIT ASKS WORD FROM FORD. Impact: Ford's potential security shake-up led to a new trend in Washington: cabinet members speaking only in cryptic riddles to avoid bad advice. 'The sky is blue, but the Pentagon says it’s cloudy.'. Fact: Did you know that Henry Kissinger was once the most powerful man in America? And yet, he still couldn't find a good parking spot in D.C.
• Headline: British Headmasters' Quandary. Impact: The quandary faced by British headmasters led to a generation of independent schools that resulted in a massive uptick in British snobbery—because nothing says 'elite' like a £30,000-a-year tuition. Fact: Did you know that many of these headmasters could have saved themselves the trouble by just asking their colleagues to share their Netflix passwords instead of worrying about funding?.
• Headline: Miss Moore Tried to Call Ford Guards Five Times. Impact: The failed assassination attempt resulted in the Secret Service tightening their protocols, which eventually led to the invention of the infamous 'Presidential Bubble'—a trend that no one asked for. Fact: Did you know that Sara Jane Moore's attempts to reach out to the Secret Service were just her way of asking them for a ride? Clearly, she underestimated their response time.
• Headline: Debate on Sinai Pact Grows in Washington. Impact: The debate over the Sinai Pact turned into a long-standing tradition of Congress arguing about everything, which eventually led to the invention of C-SPAN to bore the nation to sleep. Fact: Did you know that the F-16 fighter jet is so advanced it can outmaneuver Congress when they try to make a decision? And that’s saying something.