SEPTEMBER 16, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Minority Voices Rise in Western Europe. Impact: The increased vocalization of minorities led to a series of international 'talk shows' where everyone just yells their grievances in a 24/7 feedback loop, creating a world where shouting is the new diplomacy.. Fact: Fun fact: Vocal minorities have been known to start their own podcasts. If only the governments had known the power of the mic!.
• Headline: Louisiana's Jail Overcrowding Crisis. Impact: The overcrowding in Louisiana's jails initiated a nationwide trend of prison-themed reality shows, which ironically led to a decline in crime as people realized they’d rather not be on television.. Fact: Did you know that Louisiana has more jails than universities? Guess it’s easier to lock people up than to educate them!.
• Headline: Proposed Cuts to Food Stamps Debate. Impact: This bill’s passage made Thanksgiving awkward for 650,000 families and gave rise to the 'Thanksgiving Dinner for the Undeserving', a reality show that never got off the ground.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'undeserving' has been officially redefined to mean 'anyone who doesn't fit into my personal budget'..
• Headline: Business Briefs. Impact: The dispute over wine imports led to a new international wine-tasting diplomacy, where countries now negotiate trade agreements over a glass of Chianti, which might be the best idea ever.. Fact: Did you know that wine has been used for negotiations since the dawn of time? It’s the only thing that can make bureaucratic meetings bearable!.
• Headline: PENTAGON YIELDED TO FORD ON CANAL. Impact: The Pentagon’s concession led to a bizarre 'Canal Negotiation Games' series, where each negotiation was more dramatic than the last, complete with theme music.. Fact: Fun fact: The Panama Canal is the only canal that doubles as a geopolitical chessboard. Keep your pawns close and your treaties closer!.
• Headline: Credit Rater Warns State On Additional Aid to City. Impact: Standard & Poor's warning led to a new trend of financial analysts moonlighting as fortune tellers, predicting economic doom with a crystal ball and a deck of tarot cards.. Fact: Fun fact: A credit rating can make or break a state’s reputation. It’s the adult equivalent of getting a gold star for participation!.