JUNE 30, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pittsburgh Papers Cease Publication Amid Strike. Impact: The Teamsters striking against Pittsburgh papers led to a generation of newspaper readers who learned to get their news from social media instead, resulting in a world where cat videos reign supreme over actual journalism. Thanks, Teamsters!. Fact: Fun fact: The Pittsburgh Press and Post-Gazette are now legends in the 'newspaper that went down fighting' category. They should really start a podcast instead..
• Headline: Senate Study Reveals CAB's Rule Violations. Impact: The revelation that the CAB broke rules for airlines sent shockwaves through the industry, leading to the emergence of a new era where passengers are treated like cattle. Who knew such a small scandal would spawn a multi-billion dollar industry in snack carts?. Fact: Did you know that 'C.A.B.' could also stand for 'Crisis Awaiting Boarding'? Just a thought..
• Headline: Plane Makers and Military, Once Close, Now Battling. Impact: The fall from grace of the cozy military-aerospace relationship led to fierce competition, resulting in more innovation and... well, more overpriced gadgets, because what's better than a fighter jet that doubles as a smartphone?. Fact: Did you know that the military-industrial complex uses more acronyms than a tech startup? They should really consider a rebranding..
• Headline: DEMOCRATS SEEK SEVERANCE ON AID. Impact: The Democrats seeking severance on aid could be seen as the original version of 'let's just kick the can down the road,' which ultimately led to the 'I can't believe it's not butter' approach to budgeting.. Fact: Did you know that NYC's budget discussions are just elaborate games of Monopoly? Except no one ever gets to pass 'Go' and collect $200..
• Headline: City Vocational Schools Thrive as Jobs Tighten. Impact: With vocational schools thriving amidst job scarcity, the world was inadvertently set on a path leading to a future where everyone suddenly thinks they’re an expert in plumbing and can fix your leaky sink while quoting Shakespeare.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Vocational school' is just another way of saying 'school for future DIY YouTube stars'..
• Headline: The Bard's Theater Tilts With Inflation At a Centenary Fete. Impact: The centenary celebration of the Royal Shakespeare Theater meant that Shakespeare's plays would continue to dominate high school curricula, ensuring that future generations would endure the same existential crises over iambic pentameter.. Fact: Did you know that inflation in theater tickets means fewer people can afford to see a Shakespeare play? Welcome to the 'pay more to suffer' club!.
• Headline: Tour of Disputed Base Cat Short by Somalia. Impact: The denial of access to U.S. journalists in Somalia may have directly led to a shortage of reliable news, giving rise to conspiracy theories about missile bases that rival the best sci-fi thrillers. Thanks for the drama, Somalia!. Fact: Fun fact: The journalists probably just wanted to check out the local cuisine and ended up with a mystery novel instead..