FEBRUARY 13, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Farmers Acquire Sugar Mill in Maine. Impact: The acquisition of the sugar mill by farmers led to a bizarre twist in history where New Jersey became the unexpected leader in sugar production, prompting a national sugar rush. This later influenced the creation of the world's least popular sugar-based sports drink: 'SugarRush - Because Why Not?'. Fact: Fun fact: Sugar is the only substance that can make you feel more alive while simultaneously contributing to your impending doom. Cheers!.
• Headline: Honoring Excellence in Boxing Journalism. Impact: Murray Rose and Jack Hand winning the Nat Fleischer Award set off a chain reaction in boxing journalism, resulting in the rise of 'boxing influencers' who now make more money posting selfies with gloves than actual fighters.. Fact: Boxing writers have a tough job – it's hard to punch up a story when the only thing getting knocked out is the spelling in the headlines..
• Headline: Border Talks Resume Between Soviet Union and China. Impact: The return of the Soviet delegate marked the beginning of a series of awkward diplomatic meetings that laid the groundwork for future 'let's pretend we're friends' summits, which still confuse historians today.. Fact: If walls could talk, the Great Wall of China would probably have a lot of complaints about all the diplomats trying to negotiate peace over its ancient stones..
• Headline: OIL NATIONS’ CASH SURGING INTO U.S.. Impact: The surge of cash from oil nations into the U.S. sparked a frenzy of investment that led to the construction of countless 'luxury' gas stations, where lattes are served alongside gas. Who knew filling up could be so fancy?. Fact: Petrodollars are like Monopoly money for oil barons – except they can't be used to buy out your annoying cousin at family game night..
• Headline: COLUMBIA GETTING MORE APPLICANTS. Impact: The increase in college applications led to a generation of students who ironically chose majors that would make them unemployable, thus fueling a thriving market for artisanal avocado toast. Thanks, Columbia!. Fact: Colleges love high application rates; it’s like Tinder – lots of swiping but few lasting relationships..
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: The respiratory infection of Justice Marshall led to endless conspiracy theories about a 'Justice Flu,' resulting in a nationwide shortage of hand sanitizer during the next Supreme Court session. Who knew justices could be such germ magnets?. Fact: Justice Marshall's hospital stay reminds us that even the highest courts are not immune to those pesky seasonal colds – democracy really is contagious!.
• Headline: Canadian Economic Drop Spurs Spending Demands. Impact: The economic drop in Canada led to a hilarious cross-border trend where Americans began pretending to be Canadian to secure jobs, resulting in an influx of 'eh's and 'sorry's at the border.. Fact: Canada's economy may drop, but their politeness levels remain at an all-time high. They apologize even when you step on their toes!.
• Headline: An Optimistic Mrs. Gandhi Angrily Denies India Is Floundering. Impact: Mrs. Gandhi's denial of India floundering sparked a series of dramatic political speeches that inadvertently led to the rise of motivational speakers in India – a nation now thriving on 'You Can Do It!' seminars.. Fact: In politics, denial is just a river in Egypt – and Mrs. Gandhi might want to take a boat trip down it every now and then!.