JANUARY 22, 1975

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pharmacists' Role in Drug Selection Advocated. Impact: This headline triggered a secret society of pharmacists who, in their quest for brand choice, inadvertently created the underground drug market we see today. So, thanks to their insistence, we now have both pharmacists and drug dealers in the same category of 'trustworthy.'. Fact: Pharmacists are like secret agents in white coats; they know all the best brands and which ones to avoid, but they can't disclose their sources without a government clearance..
• Headline: Ford Condemns Offensive in Southeast Asia. Impact: Ford denouncing the Hanoi offensive led to a series of increasingly dramatic military campaigns, which in turn inspired a generation of action movies where the heroes 'denounce' things in a very loud voice while blowing things up.. Fact: Denouncing things was a popular pastime in the 70s—right up there with bell-bottoms and questionable hairstyles..
• Headline: City Warned School Cuts May Cost It Federal Help. Impact: The warning about school cuts led to a domino effect that resulted in schools across the nation adopting a 'no money, no problem' mentality, paving the way for the future of educational crowdfunding—because nothing says 'education' like bake sales and GoFundMe campaigns.. Fact: In the future, schools will start selling naming rights to classrooms—so, yes, you could have your name on a bathroom stall if you donate enough..
• Headline: Text of Bergman's Statement to U. S. Senate Panel on Long‐Term Care of the Aging. Impact: Bergman's statement on long-term care led to the creation of an entire subcommittee dedicated to discussing how to care for the aging population, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the first 'senior citizen's home' reality show. Spoiler alert: no one wins.. Fact: In the future, we've figured out that long-term care isn't just about facilities—it's also about keeping the remote control out of the hands of the grandkids..
• Headline: Milwaukee School Strike In 2d Day as Talks Go On. Impact: The Milwaukee school strike inspired a nationwide movement where teachers realized they could actually strike for better pay instead of just quietly accepting their fates, which led to a series of 'Starving Teacher' cookbooks that became wildly popular.. Fact: In the future, teachers will become social media influencers, trading lesson plans for sponsorship deals with coffee brands..
• Headline: 2 Heart Experts Dispute Personality‐Type of Risk. Impact: The dispute over personality types and heart attacks led to a bizarre trend of people assessing their friends' risk of heart disease based on how loud they chewed their food—a phenomenon that still haunts dinner parties today.. Fact: Turns out, if you’re aggressive and competitive, you might just be more likely to finish your fries before your friends, and not necessarily because of heart health..
• Headline: 13 Killed in Montreal Bar, Apparently Gang Victims. Impact: The gangland slaying in Montreal sparked a series of 'who's who' lists of local gangsters that would eventually lead to the creation of reality TV shows starring mobsters, proving that crime does pay—at least in television ratings.. Fact: In the future, crime scene tours will become a popular tourist attraction. Forget the Eiffel Tower; everyone wants to see where the drama unfolded!.
• Headline: High Goals of Detroit's Black Mayor Foiled by Recession. Impact: Detroit's struggles under Mayor Young foreshadowed a future where city officials would face a new enemy: the internet comment section, filled with armchair critics of their every move.. Fact: In the future, the phrase 'crime rate' will be replaced by 'viral video potential' as cities scramble to improve their online reputations..
• Headline: Ford, Assailing Rationing, Sees 9‐Gallon‐a‐Week Top. Impact: Ford's rant against gasoline rationing led to countless conspiracy theories that the government was secretly hiding a magical fuel source, which, spoiler alert, was actually just a hyper-efficient hamster wheel.. Fact: In the future, people will be rationing their social media time instead of gasoline, proving that the real fuel shortage is attention..