NOVEMBER 7, 1974

Full News Archive

• Headline: State Democrats Navigate Leadership Challenges. Impact: A united Democratic front in New York might have altered the political landscape, leading to a series of awkward family Thanksgiving dinners where everyone argues about healthcare instead of politics. You're welcome, America!. Fact: Democrats and Republicans: the only two teams where fans argue more than players on the field..
• Headline: Schwiker Voices Fear On Future of the G.O.P.. Impact: Schwiker's fear might have set off a chain reaction of Republican soul-searching that led to endless emails and meetings about branding, which eventually birthed the infamous 'GOP Outreach Program.' Who knew they were just looking for better hashtags?. Fact: The GOP started as a party of abolitionists. Now, they’re worried about extinction. Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: TV: Liberallnput, Conservative Yield. Networks Go All Out in Race With Films. Impact: The race for TV ratings turned election coverage into a circus, leading to the absurdity of televised debates that now include fact-checkers holding up scorecards. Thanks, networks, for making politics feel like a game show!. Fact: If you think election night TV is repetitive, just wait until you experience the reruns of the debates. It’s like watching paint dry, but with more shouting..
• Headline: U.S. RENEWS BID TO BREAK UP I.B.M.. Impact: The Justice Department's bid to break up IBM might have inspired tech giants to form a secret society of monopolies, leading to the age of 'big tech' where they control your life through algorithms. Thanks for that, Justice Department!. Fact: IBM’s ability to price-manipulate could be a metaphor for how your favorite coffee shop raises prices whenever you stop visiting. Coincidence? I think not..
• Headline: AN ENZYME USED FOR RARE DISEASE. Impact: The use of an enzyme for Gaucher's disease might have opened the floodgates for genetic research, leading to an age of gene editing where people could customize their babies like ordering a pizza. Hold the anchovies, please!. Fact: Gaucher's disease is rare, but if you ever feel weird about your genetic makeup, just remember: there's a whole lab out there working on it!.
• Headline: An Act to Aid Allende Sister. Impact: Accepting Laura Allende as a political exile could have shifted the political landscape in Latin America, leading to a series of bizarre diplomatic incidents. Who knew a sister could be the key to international relations?. Fact: Political exile: the adult version of being sent to your room. Except instead of time-out, you get a one-way ticket to a different country..
• Headline: A Good Outside Shot Wins Suffolk House Seat at 25. Impact: Downey's upset victory could have inspired a wave of young candidates, leading to a future where Congress is filled with people who still use Snapchat. Yay for progress?. Fact: At 25, Downey became one of the youngest Reps. The only thing younger would be if he ran on a platform of 'Let’s make naptime mandatory.'.